Monday, 30 November 2015

Flying tent

I was on the inside of a huge triangular tent, the canvas covering it was transparent and it looked like a pyramid. I was holding the framework up so the tent wasn't sitting on the floor. 

I was delicately walking as if trying to fly it like a plane or kite. It was my intention to take off and I gathered speed as I moved forwards. I was going great until two soccer players crashed into me from nowhere. 

They hit the tent so hard that it buckled the frame beyond repair, I waved my fist in anger at them as they run off. I was genuinely upset at the mess they had made of my tent. 

Lastly I was at the place of my birth, my Nan's house and I was standing at the front door. The door bell rang, I opened it and found a chestnut coloured horse on the front lawn. I took hold of its reins and decided I needed to put it in the back garden, which was huge. 

Being aware of the side entrance to the rear garden I led the horse through the front door, along the hallway and the kitchen and headed for the back door. My Nan shouted out at me demanding an explanation. "I'm taking this into the garden". Was my simple reply as if this was normal.  


Sunday, 29 November 2015

The Birds

Like a scene from Alfred Hitchcocks, The Birds, I was walking around out in the open along with Twelly from work. Thousands of black coloured birds were perched on phone wires and roof tops ready to strike. It was getting dark and Twelly was trying to find somewhere for us to hide. 

We ran through what looked like people's gardens but there were no houses and no cover to be found. I shouted at Twelly that we really needed to get out of sight soon. He shouted back that we had to find a cave, nothing else would be any good. 

I went from running to calmly walking in the summer sun and Twelly had vanished, as had the birds. I entered a lovely big garden with lovely flowers and freshly cut lawns. There were four gardeners standing in the centre of the lawn. 

I approached them and spoke to the oldest looking one. He had white hair and a very hairy neck where he needed a trim up, he was a bit scruffy looking. I asked him to be my gardener and in a soft Irish accent he agreed. 


Saturday, 28 November 2015


An extension of my time awake last night as I slept. I was baking cakes right up until I went to bed. I dreamt I was still doing that in my dream. 

I was looking through the glass door of the oven watching a cake rise up. I did this for hours. 


Friday, 27 November 2015

And relax

A full nights sleep with no dreaming at all. Rare but very welcome. 


Thursday, 26 November 2015

Bed wetter

I was needing the toilet in my sleep again and so this manifested itself into my dream once more. I was on what looked light a seaside promenade and desperate for a wee I dived into the nearest door I came too. 

When I entered and closed the door I was inside one of those little wooden beach huts. It was tiny but packed full on  furniture and bedding. I could see through a crack in the door to the outside and a woman with a small child was standing waiting to get into the hut. 

I began to pee over the floor but noticed it seeping towards the door, frantic that it would run under the door and outside and be seen by the woman, I directed it onto a sofa. This started to run off after a while and again flowed towards the door. 

I kept re directing my aim where I was peeing every time this happened, I was weeing for a very long time and a glance through the crack of the door, confirmed the woman and child were still there. After an age I suddenly woke up in desperate need of the toilet. 

I was so concerned that I'd actually wet the bed that I checked for any dampness. Fortunately all was good. I really hope my bladder holds out as I get into my later years! 


Wednesday, 25 November 2015

House of the rising Gazza

I was in my mums living room watching TV along with my younger sister and friend and work colleague Mildred. The room was exactly like it was when I was a teenager, complete with the rented television in a mock wooden cabinet with a sliding door to cover the screen. 

On the TV was a football World Cup tournament and they were playing various songs in order to find an official England team song. I then heard the unmistakable first few cords to the Animals classic, House of the rising sun. 

I smiled and said, "Yes!"  I changed my mind immediately when ex England international Paul Gascoigne started singing the words to it. It was ruined. I started shouting at the TV. Mildred began laughing. 

I then told Mildred and my sister that I was able to fly, before they could speak, I lifted myself off the ground and floated up to the ceiling. They were both very impressed as I flipped backwards and spun in the air, drifting around the living room to the background of Gazza ruining a classic song. 


Tuesday, 24 November 2015

Working lunch

Sat at work in a huge briefing room along with most of the people on shift, with Liam as the supervisor, although he isn't anymore. We were waiting to go out of the office but couldn't because their were no vehicles for us. 

Nicky said that she was going to be very tired because she was working a day shift and then a night shift covering for her partner in Sussex. I questioned this saying she wasn't allowed to do that. She told me she didn't care. 

As we didn't have any cars I suggested that we all go out for lunch. This was a very welcome idea until Liam questioned on how we were going to get there! 

Lastly I was in a school playground that was surrounded by a high wired fence. I could sense people around me but couldn't see them. I started ranting about how people getting old try and look young. I gave singer song writer, Paul Weller as an example. 


Monday, 23 November 2015

Adams garage services.

I do seem to dream about my car a lot for some reason, last night I was taking it to the garage for a service. As I pulled up outside I noticed the front passenger seat was piled high with rubbish. Alarmed at this I began to tidy it. 

After spending a while cleaning up the car I looked at the clock on the dash and it read 17.30, I looked up at the garage and saw that it was closed. Annoyed that I'd lost out because of the mess in my car I stood outside the entrance and raised my arms in dispare. 

From inside the garage through the window I saw the owner, it was Adam from work. He saw it was me and held up his arm to indicate for me to wait. He then frantically ran around the garage looking for the keys and opened the door. 

He welcomed me in and ushered me to the rear door of the garage. When I walked through the door I found myself in a huge field in the middle of nowhere. The garage had also vanished along with Adam. At the far end of the field was a huge barn, I headed towards it. 

When I entered the barn it was a workshop full of men and cars. There was scaffolding all around the edge of the barn and cars were being driven along scaffold boards, they were close to falling off. As I looked at what was going on, Adam appeared and pointed upwards at my car. 

It was parked up on the scaffolding about twenty feet in the air. Adam smiled and walked off, I had no idea how I was going to get it down. 


Sunday, 22 November 2015

Closed due to illness

Being awake most of the night being ill tends to stop any dreaming. Hopefully normal service will be resumed tomorrow. 

Saturday, 21 November 2015

Prison breakout & pasta beach

Sometimes I long for a solid uninterrupted sleep free of dreaming, I honestly wake up tired because my brain never stops. Unfortunately it was not to be last night. 

I started off by climbing a huge solid metal wall with work colleague Stu, it was cast iron and painted black, at the top was barbed wire and razor sharp nails sticking up. It wasn't until we reached the top that we realised we were in prison. 

As we clambered down the other side to freedom, the alarm sounded and we were rumbled. On the other side we both picked up a wooden chair and started running with it. From the top of the wall came a cry of, "Come back here you gays"! It was work colleague James. We kept running. 

We ran into my mums house, placed our chairs under the table and sat down. I could still here the siren from the prison and footsteps from outside the living room window. My mum placed a cooked breakfast in front of us and we tucked in. The people outside ran past. We had escaped. 

Next I had seen my step Son Michael asleep and decided to prank him. He woke up to find himself laying in a metal tray half full of water, he also had his face made up like a glamour model and was wearing a lecklace made of washing gel tablets sewn together with string. He wasn't happy. 

I walked along the seafront at Skegness beach laughing to myself at what I'd done to Michael, as I walked further, my feet started to feel like lead and the sand was very heavy. I looked down to see that the beach wasn't sand but dried pasta shapes. 

I finally reached a theatre on the beach and walked inside, the floor was concrete and my shoes were making a loud metal sound. When I looked at my feet, I was wearing boots with huge wedged heels that had metal studs nailed into the heels. 

As I examined my footwear a man jumped out of the shadows and placed a knife against my throat. He shouted, "Don't make me kill you!"  I then instantly transformed into rap legend Eminem. As slim shady, I pushed the knife out of his hand and punched him square in the face. He was unconscious and I returned to myself. 


Friday, 20 November 2015

Wedding intruders

I was at home with my wife waiting for friends Geoff and Laura to arrive for their wedding. Bit odd, they are already married. My wife was looking out of the window and I went into the garden as I needed a wee. 

I went outside and stood on some decking, I was about to pee when I heard work colleague Spooner from the other side of the fence. I couldn't see him but knew his voice, he was calling me names and they weren't very nice. 

I couldn't then wee so went back into the house. While I was talking to my wife two kids walked in through the the front door and opened the cupboard under the kitchen sink nod climbed in. A female followed in after them and went into the toilet.  

Not very happy at this I pulled the kids out by their collars and handed them to the woman as she came out of the toilet. I told her the kids had eaten things from the cupboard and I hoped they were poisonous, she then left and I locked the door behind her. 

I then went into the bathroom and started to run a bath. The water was a deep purple colour. 


Thursday, 19 November 2015

The light

Very brief last night and slightly unnerving too. I appeared to be laying in bed at first with someone standing over me. The person was in silhouette and so I could only make out that they were female. They were looking at me and were silent. 

From my bedroom window to my right, a very bright light started to shin on my face. It became increasingly brighter and was hurting my eyes. I asked the person standing over me if I should pull down the blind. 

They remained silent but moved towards me with what looked like a knife in their hand. I screamed out and was woken by my wife as I was shouting in my sleep. As I fell back to sleep I thought that maybe I had been in a hospital mourge.  


Wednesday, 18 November 2015

Class of Scott

I was wandering around the corridors of a school, it looked vaguely familiar at times, but mostly I didn't know where I was. I opened the first classroom door I came to and it was empty apart from work colleague Scott. 

He was sat at a desk and he looked up at me when he heard the door open. I clearly wasn't looking for Scott because I shut the door and went to the next room along the corridor. When I opened this door, Scott looked up again from a desk. 

I went from room to room and each one contained Scott. He was sat in the same position in each room and looked up in exactly the same way when I opened the door. 


Tuesday, 17 November 2015

Tampon bike ride

Something I'd never do during my waking hours is take part in a bike race. This was what I was doing in my dream however and it was sponsored by sanitary manufacturers Tampax. I had a T shirt with Tampon written across the chest. I seemed oblivious to this and began cycling. 

After a short distance I was overtaken by most of the other competitors including work colleague, Rudders. As he drew level with me, he noticed my T shirt and started laughing out loud. I had the last laugh because his uncontrollable giggles caused him to fall off his bike. 

The last part of my dreaming was interrupted by my alarm this morning but prior to waking I was with my wife on a train. I'd fallen off and was sat at the side of the track watching the train, along with my wife vanish into the distance. 


Monday, 16 November 2015

Volvos & rabbits

I was inside an old volvo estate car, it appeared to be my car. I was totally horrified to find it in a complete mess. There was dirt piled thick and rubbish everywhere.

I began by gathering up everything from the seats, there were lots of tools and screws and nails. I decided to put those in my pocket. I put a pile of items for throwing away and one for keeping,  a third pile was things I wasn't sure about.

I was next out on a countryside track with my air rife. I was with two teenagers I didn't recognise. I was looking for rabbits to shoot.

Out of the corner of my eye I saw a rabbit hoping and I turned my gun at it. Despite being in the middle of the countryside, the rabbit, along with many others were in an office.

There was just three walls with the open end of the room where I stood. I took aim and shot a rabbit dead. I took aim again and just as I shot another rabbit, it turned into a sheep.
Then all the other rabbits changed into sheep too. This freaked me out and I ran away with the teenagers following me.


Sunday, 15 November 2015

Jungle bubbles & rap talk

I was in a jungle last night wandering around trying not to be detected by any animals. I crept about as I was convinced that I would get eaten by something. I saw a clearing and headed into it and found myself out on a large open plain. 

I tucked behind a small bush that I found as I heard the sound of something approaching me. I peered out and saw a large soup bubble floating at me, I ducked just in time to avoid it hitting my head. Just as I put my head up again, another then another bubble flew at me. 

I avoided them all but I was getting tired, just as I missed the last one I looked ahead of me and saw the that a sound wave was heading my way. I knew it was a sound wave because the space before my eyes rippled and wobbled and emitted a sound that appeared to be in slow motion. 
I spent what felt like hours avoiding being hit by these. 

Next I was staying in a hotel room with a person I didn't know. I couldn't see them next to me as I couldn't turn my head to look at them, I just knew they were there, I didn't know if they were male or female. I was trying to impress them and told them that I'd seen rap legend, Eminem in the hotel lobby. 

They didn't seem impressed as I didn't have any evidence to back up my claim. I opened the door to the room to leave and to both our surprise, Eminem walked in. I started to talk to him but instead of him talking back, he rapped what he was saying. 
I could sence that the mystery person was now impressed and I smiled as Eminem rapped about how he liked the the room. 


Saturday, 14 November 2015

Put the kettle on

I spent my entire night searching for my kettle. Despite tearing the house apart, I couldn't locate it. 

Friday, 13 November 2015

Church porn & invisible cars

To make up for the lack of dreaming yesterday, my brain popped into overdrive last night. Starting off I was climbing my local church roof to inspect some recent work that had been carried out. I stood halfway up looking at it for ages before deciding to climb to the top. 

When I reached the top of the roof, I discovered a small window that was level with my feet. I bent down and crawled into it and found myself in a small room with a huge font in the centre of it. 

There was a female suspended upside down by her ankles hanging into the font, she was naked, she was surrounded by several naked men and a film crew. It appeared to be a film shoot for a porno movie. I stood and watched in disbelief maybe for a little longer than I should have. 

Next I was with work colleague Scott and I'd challenged him to a road race. He was in a works van and I was in an invisible car. I sat suspended in the air and steered my invisible car laughing. Scott decided to go a different way to me in an attempt to win the race. 

I swerved through streets narrowly avoiding other cars and people. I was approaching the finish line and was way ahead of Scott. Just as I saw the end, I noticed I had a choice to either cut through a no entry sign or go the long way round and potentially lose the race. 

I took the short cut and was immediately stopped by three angry male pedestrians. They all had long ginger hair and scruffy beards. I took an instant dislike to them. They began ranting at me, I was aware I was being watched by cctv. 

I raised my hands in a passive manner to look as if I was trying to defuse their anger but started to call them ginger twats. This enraged them further and when they tried to punch me, I knocked all three of them out cold. Happy at this I turned to get back into my invisible car and saw Scott standing on the finish line grinning at me. 


Thursday, 12 November 2015

Wednesday, 11 November 2015

Iron man wallpaper

I was laying on my back putting wallpaper onto the ceiling, it was special Iron man paper too, with pictures of the character on it.  I was only a few inches away from the ceiling, so I was either floating in the air or was in a very low room. I carefully applied the paper until it covered the entire ceiling. 

The next thing I recall I was was about to give someone some money. They asked for £1.55 and I checked it before handing it over. Just before they took it, I started doubting I'd counted it correctly. I rechecked it and it was wrong. 

I started to become very flustered and checked and checked the money again, each time it added up differently. In the end I just handed it over and the person just looked at me as if I was stupid. I'd clearly got it wrong. 


Tuesday, 10 November 2015


I was watching someone escape from the police last night. I let them walk past me and did nothing to stop them, I continued to do nothing as they climbed onto a roof and vanished out of sight. 

Some police officers ran up to me and asked if I'd seen a man running away. I told them I'd seen nobody. As they ran off, I smiled to myself. 


Monday, 9 November 2015


All I recall before falling into my deep sleep last night was the sound of a fly buzzing around my head. 
Turns out it was my wife amusing herself again by playing fly sounds from her I pad. 


Sunday, 8 November 2015

Beside the sea

Along with my wife I was in a seaside town walking along a parade of shops. Everyone of the shops was a food takeaway, they were all fully staffed and immaculately clean. They all were devoid of an customers in fact there only seemed to be us in the street.

We ducked into a little alleyway and found a shop that sold lace, there was lots of it hanging up outside the shop. My wife grabbed a piece and wrapped it around her waste like a skirt.

An old lady who was watching mentioned the lace was hanging in a puddle. We went inside to buy the lace feeling guilty we had ruined it. When inside we found an empty room.

The door opened and the lady from outside entered holding a shotgun. She ushered us through a other door by pointing the gun at us.

On the other side of the door we found ourselves in a cell, hanging all around the walls were lengths of dirty lace.


Saturday, 7 November 2015

Tesco and bulbs

I was laying in bed waiting for my Tesco grocey delivery to arrive, only difference was I was laying on the kitchen table of friends Cate and Steve. I wasn't able to move and when the delivery man arrived, he just walked in and started unloading the shopping and placing it around me. 

He placed all the items on the table so that they joined together and formed a line drawn around me, an outline of me in jars, toilet rolls and vegetables. 

I was next in the garden of another friend called Jayne, I could see her at the far end of the garden, on her knees digging with a trowel. I had one of those wooden baskets for collecting vegetables in, but it was full of flower bulbs. 

I started to dig holes to plant the bulbs but everywhere I dug, I unearthed other bulbs. I started to get frustrated as I couldn't find an inch of earth that didn't already have a bulb in it. I glanced other and saw that Jayne wasn't looking and poured all the bulbs into one flower pot. 


Friday, 6 November 2015

USB golf, death & prison

I was at work in a team briefing which was being run by a supervisor called Derran, there were about six of us at the briefing. As I half listened to Derran, I saw that he had put his e cigarette down on the table, I picked it up and saw that it was a golf ball with a usb connector on the end. 

I picked it up and started to smoke it and then noticed Derran looking at me, he wasn't happy. I put it down and glanced over at the exit door. The top half of the door was glass and on the other side of it were two figures starring in. They were hooded and looked like a typical death character. 

Next I was ringing the doorbell to a prison, I was an inmate but had been on day release. A very old lady opened the door and escorted me into the prison. She asked where I had been, I pointed out of the window at my mums house next to the prison. 

I was sat down at a table in a very long room with rows of tables opposite me. All the tables had people sat at them, the ones opposite me had babies at them being fed by staff. The same old lady that had let me in then started to work her way along my row spoon feeding as if we were babies. 

When she reached me she told me I was being released at 11am, I looked at my watch, it was 10.46. I asked why I was allowed out in that case, but before I could finish speaking, she rammed a spoon in my mouth. I started crying like a baby. 


Thursday, 5 November 2015

Fry up

Big of a audio aspect to my dream last night. I could hear the distinctive sound of bacon frying but couldn't see anything, I was aware I was laying in the darkness of my bedroom and that I was asleep, but only had blackness. 

I recall momentarily looking at the time, which was 04.46 hours, my wife was next to me so unless I have a ghost bacon cooker, I'm fairly sure I was dreaming it. Plus I could smell anything. 


Wednesday, 4 November 2015

Feeling good

I had that extreme rare event last night, where my brain gave me a rest. No dreaming equals a refreshed Maximus today. 
Feeling good. 


Tuesday, 3 November 2015


All I can remember from last night is me crying, real sobbing my heart out crying too. I don't know what the reason was for my sadness, and I couldn't see anything else that would have caused me to be weeping so much. 
I did have a headache when I woke up. 



Monday, 2 November 2015

Foam sabotage

Along with a group of other people I was driving into a scrap metal yard. There were three large round mental open topped containers, they were about ten feet high. We all got out of our cars and looked around for any signs of life, we couldn't see anyone. 

We then threw a bomb into each of the containers which splashed when they landed, they appeared to be full of water. The bombs exploded and turned the water into foam which spilled over the top. We all laughed. 

We then set about clearing all of the scrap metal we could find, loading it into our cars and vans. When the entire site was emptied we left laughing as we drove away. 

Lastly I went to check on my guenia pigs in their hutch. When I opened the door, our horses were laying down asleep inside. They lifted their heads and looked at me with a sleepy expression. I stroked their heads and left them to rest. 


Sunday, 1 November 2015

Open house

Very simple last night. I was at work in a car with another, I say another as I couldn't see their face but knew it was someone from work anyway. It was nice get time and pulled up outside a house, as soon as I stopped the car i noticed the door was open. 

We both jumped out of the car and pulled out our guns, which were in fact torches. We ran at the door like armed soldiers and burst in shining our lights into the room. In the total darkness our torches picked out a bed in the centre of the room. 

There looked like there was someone under the covers and we shouted for them to get up. After shouting for ages with nothing happening, we just walked out and drove off. 

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