Wednesday, 30 September 2015


As you may be aware, I often make notes in the night on my phone. But the note, 'climbing trees on mountains ducks sheep goats', I am at a loss with? 

The one part I did recall involved me standing in a shop doorway blocking the entrance. A man attempted to walk through me but I stood my ground and refused to move. He punched me in the stomach as hard as he could. I didn't even flinch. 

The man started to back away from me and I kept eye contact with him whilst raising up my jumper. It revealed a perfect toned six pack, I smiled and winked at him as he turned and fled. 


Tuesday, 29 September 2015

The wedding

So much happening last night, starting off with me going downstairs, opening the fridge and pouring all the cartons of milk down the sink. I then ran at full speed back upstairs shouting, "Arrrrrr milk!!!!!" This woke my wife up as I was shouting this in my sleep! 

Next I was at my friend's, Cate and Steves wedding, which I will be attending next year. Hopefully it won't be anything like my dream. It started off well with Cate arriving on a pony into the church, when I noticed that she was actually marring the late actor, Dermot Morgan, I thought otherwise. 

Dermot was playing Father Ted, we was in a long flowerey dress and was arguing with the female priest that was attempting to perform the ceremony. He was shouting at her that she was getting the words wrong. 

In the corner of the church was a round table that had a group of Cowboys around it. They were all in black and white like an old film. They stood up angry that Father Ted was ruining the wedding. They picked up beer bottles and smashed then over the table to use as weapons. 

Given the impending violence, Cate, myself and my wife exited the church into a very small yard. We all sat on a wooden pallet glad to be away from the carnage in the church. At this point, Steve arrived and asked if he had missed anything. 

As Cate attempted to explain what had happened I felt some chewing gum in my mouth. I pulled it out using both hands, it filled my entire mouth and expanded as I did this. Every time I pulled out lumps do gum, it filled my mouth again. 


Monday, 28 September 2015

Pink razor

A very brief dream last night. I was in the bathroom at my house and my wife came in. She was just staring at me. 

This seemed to go on for hours until she said to me, "Pass me the razor". I looked and saw that there were two pink coloured disposable razors on the side of the bath. 

I picked them both up and asked her which one she wanted. She replied, "The pink one". 


Sunday, 27 September 2015


In my mums living room last night, I was with a man I had just met but instantly liked him. We were both transforming the room, it looked much bigger than it actually is and was in the process of becoming a children's adventure wonderland. 

There were rope bridges and secret pathways into tunnels and vast castle turrets all around. There was a lake in the middle of the room that was crossed by stepping stones. It looked amazing and was almost complete except for two light switch and a lamp shade that required fitting. 

The man screwed one light switch on and handed me the other to do. I immediately dropped the switch, when I picked it up and put it in place, I then kept dropping the screws for it. In the end the man took them from me. 

He told me to fit the lamp shade, it had been on the sofa and when I went to retrieve it, it had vanished. The man then got very angry shouting that the room wouldn't be open until it was found. I started to search for it but my alarm woke me before I found it. 


Saturday, 26 September 2015

That sinking feeling

I had an appalling nights sleep last night, mainly due to a tooth extraction and the pain involved in that. 

I didn't think I was going to dream at all but just prior to my alarm sounding, I was at work. All the stairs had been removed and had been replaced with kitchen sinks. 

To gain access to upper floors, I had to lay across various draining boards and scale my way up. I kept catching my legs on taps as I ascended up. 

When I reached the upper floor, the office was busy and no one was talking. I saw Andy on the phone and walked over to him. 

I rubbed his head and flicked his ear to distract him. He carried on talking as if I wasn't there. When I tried to get the attention of everyone else, they all couldn't see me. 


Thursday, 24 September 2015

The cult

I was singing in my dream, hopefully not in my sleep, I wasn't told otherwise. There was a group of us in a wooded area, all singing around a camp fire. 
It was all very pleasant but I just had a very uneasy feeling about it all. 

There was a man with long hair and a beard, always worrying to see that, he seemed to be in charge of gathering more people up to sing. He approached my wife and another woman that I didn't recognise. As he was talking to them, it clicked with me. 

The man was using the singing to entice people into a cult and once duped in, they would become brainwashed and would most likely be part of a mass suicide pact. I started to attempt to attract my wife's attention without the bearded man noticing. 

I was nodding my head and rolling my eyes in a vain attempt to explain to her that the man she was talking to was going to brainwash her. All very difficult to convey with just head movements. My wife just kept looking at me and smiling thinking I was just goofing around. 


Wednesday, 23 September 2015

Tuesday, 22 September 2015

Jelly snakes

I was walking through some lovely countryside, there was large sweeping hills and green fields, it was very pleasant. I reached the top of a hill with fantastic views but was upset to see a dirty old caravan blocking my route. 

There was no way around the caravan other than opening the door and walking through it. I entered the van and found it equally dirty inside too. A family were sat watching tv in various states of undress, all were very fat and had food covered underwear on. 

I walked out of the other side of the caravan and continued my walk in the glorious countryside. I started to go up a very steep hill and something landed at my feet, on inspection I saw it was a jelly snake.  As I looked at it a few more landed around me, when I looked around me I saw Dave from work walking past me. 

Dave had a bag of jelly snakes and was throwing them at me, he smiled and went out of my view. I continued up the steep hill and saw that it was my nan's old garden were I spent most of my childhood. I found a clearing and saw a beautiful waterfall in the distance. 


Monday, 21 September 2015

Trees & wee's

Sat in the living room of my mums house with my mum, we were both in an armchair looking towards the window. 

I could see the light coming into the room from the window but the area we were sat in, was very dark. Mum said that she wished it was brighter in the room. 

I looked up at the ceiling and it was covered with overhanging trees. I reached up and my arms extended to about 10 feet long. I grabbed some branches and pulled them off. 

The light then flooded into the room but I did notice that there wasn't a roof in the house and was open to the elements. 

I was next in a small room that looked like a hospital room, there was no bed, there was a small table in its place. There was a door off into a bathroom. 

Among various people that I didn't know, was Amy, a friends daughter. She was wearing a brightly coloured flowery dress. I was aware that I needed the toilet and I was desperate. 

I told Amy that her dress looked nice and she said that my suit looked nice too. I opened the toilet door and walked in, I saw myself in the mirror and I was wearing a purple and lime green suit. 

Still desperate for the toilet I lifted the seat and it was covered in wee. I was really annoyed as I then had to wipe it off before I could use it. 

I woke up in desperate need for the toilet. 


Sunday, 20 September 2015

Cars, trains & bubbles

I was driving a car, I had a passenger but couldn't turn my head to look at them, I just knew they were there. I was trying to escape from someone, again I couldn't see them but sensed I just had to get away. 

I stopped outside of a railway station and abandoned the car in a no parking zone. I ran into the station entrance and found myself in the kitchen to a cafe. I decided, hiding here would be the last place I would be found. I started to wash up dishes at a sink. 

As I turned the tap on, the water started to bubble up, it was crazy and started to overflow and fill the kitchen with soap suds. The entire room became a huge bubble bath. I ran out as this was drawing unwanted attention to me. 

I went onto the station platform and two trains pulled in either side of me simultaneously. As they drew to a halt and the doors opened, soap suds spiller out filling the platform. The station was a mass of bubbles. 


Saturday, 19 September 2015

Mr Jennifer Aniston

I was talking to a guy who was explaining to me that the actress Jennifer Aniston used to be a man. I just wasn't buying this and despite his best efforts, he wasn't convincing me. He continued to tell me that she was male up until she was 25, when she had an operation and changed to a female. 

As he told me this, Jennifer actually appeared in front of us. I looked at her up and down, my mouth fell open and I looked like a right pervert as I starred at her. Jennifer then smiled and waved at us and in a very deep male voice, said, "Alright mate". 

Next I was in a car repair garage and a bright red car was raised up in the air so that the mechanic could work on it. I walked under the car and noticed that in the centre of it was a gaint spring. I touched the exhaust pipe and it released the spring. 

The car shot up into the air and bounced around the garage like a massive jack in the box. 


Friday, 18 September 2015

I genuinely have no idea if I dreamt what happened or it actually took place. At first I thought it was real but something happened that has me doubting. 

I was in the kitchen, half asleep letting the dogs out as usual, the radio was on Absolute and the DJ was hosting a phone in quiz 

As I took it in what was happening, I heard a man on the phone line asking the DJ to pick him to win. I then thought to myself that the radio was already on when I got up. 

I then saw that I was dressed and the dogs had already been out and been fed. Now I am either putting this down to a jump in time, missing out about 10 minutes of my morning, or I was dreaming it. 

No idea. 


Thursday, 17 September 2015


My head was as baron as a desert last night, I don't mean it was full of sand, there was nothing there. A dreamless night, very boring for my readers but lovely to get a night off for me. 


Wednesday, 16 September 2015


I saw my neighbour Simon in the street, he was his usual jolly self. As I began talking to him I noticed the sky moving above me. I glanced up and it was a multitude of colours all twisting and colliding together. 

I turned back to Simon and he too became a kaleidoscope of colours. Everything around me started to do the same until all I could see was a mass of dancing bright colours. 


Tuesday, 15 September 2015

Blueberry pie

I had entered a house that was situated in a small wooded area, as I was approaching the house, I noticed a warm orange glow coming from the downstairs window. 

I walked into the front door and found my wife and neighbour, Janice in the kitchen. There was a decorators pasting table in the middle of the room. There was a blueberry pie on the table for each of us. 

From the stairs, which led into the kitchen, appeared a very frial looking old man. He stumbled and staggered around the room before going into another room. 

Janice looked at the old man, made no attempt to help him and just shook her head at him. I then opened a rucksack I was carrying and pulled out a large figure of a policeman. 

I handed this figure to Janice, it had a large chip out of its foot. Janice looked at me and again shook her head to show her displeasure at me. 


Monday, 14 September 2015

Burgers & drainage

I was in a school assembly, there were hundreds of kids packed into the hall and all were in total silence. I looked around at the other kids and saw that I was an adult, no one seemed to notice. 

I boy in a white shirt put his hand up and asked if he could recite a reading. A teacher nodded their approval. The boy stood up but was still lower than everyone else. 

He stood on a chair but was still below everyone and couldn't be heard. I decided to walk out as I was totally uninterested. 

I left the hall and entered directly into a cafe, a real old style greecy spoon. I approached the man behind the counter and saw friend and work colleague, Serbian sat at a table. 

She looked up and saw me and shouted, "Get him a massive burger". I noticed she was eating one too, she's a vegetarian!

Lastly I was on a building site, it was wet and muddy, there was a high wire fence all the way around the site. 

There was a long trench dug along the line of the fence and drainage pipes were being laid into it. I saw a head pop up from the trench, it was work colleague Ann. She had a bright red hard hat on. 


Sunday, 13 September 2015

Double stunners

I was standing on a road, well in the road to be more precise, looking at a woman on a bicycle. She was heading directly at me, I was about to move when I saw that she was stunningly beautiful with a fantastic figure. She was wearing a flowery dress. 

I remained glued to the spot, mesmerised by her. As she reached a certain spot in the road ahead of me, she turned sharply to her right, at the exact time she did this, another duplicate of her on a bicycle, turned sharp left. 

Behind her came another stunningly beautiful woman, again on a bike, when she reached the same spot, she too duplicated and went right and left. I stood and watched as dozens of women on bicycles did the same thing. This seemed to go on for hours. 


Saturday, 12 September 2015

John Thaw's last case

After being located in an area of the UK with no mobile signal for a week, I am now back in a more populated area. 

In my dream I had been witness to a gang of men, who had randomly executed about 30 people with guns for no reason other than they enjoyed it. 

I felt as if I needed to do something to stop their murderous spree and ran ahead of the gang and located the late actor, John Thaw in the street. I informed John of what was going on and he handed me a can of pepper spray. 

He said to me, "This is my last case, do what you can". With this I ran at the gun wealding gang and began spraying them in the face. They dropped like flies and I was about to celebrate when a really fat black man ran at me. 

I rammed the pepper spray tin into his mouth and pulled the trigger.  His face inflated like an over fed hamster and he dropped to the floor. 

I then saw John looking on, he said, "If you have killed him, you'll be in big trouble". This I thought as odd given that the gang had shot so many people. 


Monday, 7 September 2015

I have nothing to say

I am currently off line. Normal service will be resumed as soon as possible. 

Sunday, 6 September 2015

Highland dream

I'm currently in the highlands of Scotland. I'm not saying I didn't dream last night, I know I did. But after an 8 hour drive my brain was non functional. 

Saturday, 5 September 2015

Columbo & the polystyrene arson

My dream had two distinctive halfs to it last night, the first involving 1970's sleuth Columbo, who I have dreamt of previously. Columbo was investigating an arson that had taken place. 

He was looking into the deliberate ignition of a large rock which was found black and smouldering in a street. I was looking on and was wondering how a rock had actually caught fire. 

Columbo being the brilliant detective that he was, solved the crime by discovering the rock was made of polystyrene and that a well known local criminal had committed the crime. 

The second part to my dream involved me being naked, which also happens often and being in public. I was dancing along the street holding the cat mat that sits outside of the litter tray. 

I was holding the mat over my private parts whilst dad dancing along. I then saw work colleague, Jess standing on the pavement. As I danced past her she tried to glimpse over the cat mat at what I was covering up. 


Friday, 4 September 2015


Standing on the top of a cliff, I was with my older sister. We both had parachutes on and we're going to jump, my sister was absolutely petrified. I helped her to the edge and gave her encouragement, saying everything was fine and it was great fun. 

Eventually I watched her jump off and I followed behind her, both our parachutes opened and we safely landed below. Then before we could gather ourselves together, we were both on top of the cliff again. 
I saw a man run at speed towards the edge of the cliff and leap off. 

I asked my sister if she wanted to go next or if I should. She told me to go and I started running. I raised up my arms, jumped off and waited for my chute to open. I was plummeting fast and nothing was happening, the ground was rushing towards me. 

I shouted out, "Don't die, don't die, don't die". I then thought to myself, if this is real I'm dead, if it's a dream I can escape. I opened my eyes the second before impact and found myself in bed. My heart was racing but I was alive. 


Thursday, 3 September 2015


Very simple dream with a single image last night. I walked past a table that had an ashtray on it. It was full of cigarette butts and ash, one was slightly smouldering emitting its deadly poison. 

I looked at it with disgust and made a face to further show my displeasure at being exposed to the sight and smell from it. I looked around to see who was responsible for it but the area was empty. 

I couldn't work out if I was in a room or outside, there didn't seem to be anything I could focus on. There was just a haze, a bit like a fog.   


Wednesday, 2 September 2015

The heavyweight champ

Last night started off with me looking a two rival forgien politicians debating on a TV show. I was convinced that the man was the better candidate and the woman was rubbish. I had come to this conclusion without even understanding what they were saying. 

As the debate finished the man walked out of the TV and sat next to me, he then spoke in English, "Thanks for picking me, I'm now going to introduce a dictatorship and kill that bitch and all of her followers". I had the distinct feeling, I'd made a huge mistake. 

I was next sleeping rough in a derelict house, sat on the stairs, halfway up. It was cold and the house looked as if it had been destroyed by fire. It wasn't until another homeless person passed me going up to the first bedroom, that I realised it was my mums house. 

I ran up after the person and head them off just as they were going into what was my bedroom during my childhood. I stood in the doorway and just said, "You are not going in there, it's mine!"  

I was next at work and was totally annoyed that everyone was sat in front of the TV watching soap operas. Everyone was transfixed and it infuriated me. 

Lastly I was at a boxing match and sat ringside waiting for the main event. The first boxer came out and started jumping around the ring. To my amazement it was Mike a supervisor from work. He looked incredible, like Silvester Stalone in his Rocky days. 

His apponant entered the ring and in stark contrast he was about 60 years old, 5 feet tall and fat. He was also wearing a suit and glasses. I shouted out that I could beat him and thought it was a total fix. 

The bell rang to start the round and Mike danced around the little man, he gave him a right hook, his glasses flew off and he was out cold. He not surprisingly didn't make the count. The referee raised Mike's arm and pronounced him heavyweight champion of the World.  

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