Friday, 31 July 2015

Belly ache

Having recently recovered from a few issues with my stomach, I was upset to be woken in the night with a belly ache. I was in that half sleep/waking state and thinking I really should get up and do something. 

As I lay there worried that I was becoming ill again, the pain shifted from my stomach to my right upper leg. This was very strange as it moved as quickly as if I'd picked it up from my stomach and placed it in my leg. I lay there contemplating this for a while and then opened my eyes. 

As soon as I woke up I was pain free. I then lay in bed wondering if that was all a dream or if I did in fact have any pain. Given its sudden movement and that it stopped when I woke up, I'm of the opinion that I did dream it. 


Thursday, 30 July 2015

Gun man

I almost forgot to post my dream today! It was brief and continues with my American theme this week. 

I saw another large gas glusler American car sat stationary in a car park. I was walking towards it and could see there was a single occupant in the drivers seat. 

I approached the drivers side and was happy to see it was work collouege Stu. I walked faster towards the open drivers window to talk to him. 

When I got level with him I saw that he was holding a pistol. He waved it at me and motioned with it for me to keep walking. He looked menicing and I didn't argue. 


Wednesday, 29 July 2015

Mind your rioting

Bit of a blast from the past in that I dreamt about a character from a 1970's comedy sit com. Not sure of his name in the programme but he played one of a group of foreign students attempting to learn English. It was called Mind your Language. It could be used today for diversity training, it was so stereotypical. 

The guy who was either Greek or Italian, I really couldn't tell, was throwing bricks at riot police. There was a high ranking female officer behind a plastic shield and the foreign guy was shouting at her and hurling missiles. 

I was then in a New York street with my wife and a small child. In a shop window there was a sign to go in and see horses. We all three stepped in and found it full of black men dressed like gang members. 

Immediately realising it wasn't as advertised, we walked through the shop and straight out of the back door. 
When we stepped out into the street we saw that we were now in the ghetto and surrounded by more gang members. 

I knew we were in deep trouble and this was a tourist trap. We started walking the dark street followed by an impending feeling of doom. 


Tuesday, 28 July 2015

Dead man

I had approached a car and immediately noticed it was a left hand drive, thus I made the assumption that I was in America or the occupants were American. Either way, some Americans were somehow involved, my assumptions being correct when I saw the people sat in the front. In my mind they looked American. 

The male, at the steering wheel was slumped with his head forwards, he looked drained of colour and I decided that he was dead. The female in the passenger seat however looked as if she was sleeping. 
As I got closer to the passenger window, the female did indeed wake up. 

She looked over at her husband and hugged him looking rather sad. I asked if he was ok and she told me he had died and she was waiting for an undertaker to arrive. I asked how long she had waiting and was informed it had been four days. She spoke in an American accent. 

With this the woman fell back to sleep still hugging her deceased husband. 


Monday, 27 July 2015

You ugly!

I was in some kind of holiday complex, it was all under cover and so not affected by the weather. I seemed to be wandering around on my own. A small boy kicked a football at me and I returned it with a tap of my toe. 

I had a little exchange with him of kicking it around for a while and then I got bored and walked away. The boy upset by this started to cry, this didn't affect me in the slightest and I left the boy in floods of tears. 

I then noticed an extreamly ugly looking man who was walking towards me, my first thought was, boy this guy is ugly which he seemed to pick up on and made a move towards me. I started wondering if I'd said that out loud. 

The guy swooped past me smiling a toothless grin, I thought he'd gone but when I looked behind me, he was still hovering around me, grinning at me. He was starting to annoy me, I kept walking and he just seemed to be all around me, everywhere I looked. 
I woke up before anything else happened. 


Sunday, 26 July 2015

High tech drain clearance

A brief episode last night, I was sat in the cage of a crane with my neighbour John. The cage was on the end of a series of extendable sections that would raise into the air and John was at the controls. As we raised up into the air, John hit a button and the cage became independent from the crane. 

Worried at our sudden departure from the crane I looked over the side of the cage to see that we were being propelled by jets connected under our seats. John was making it hoover above the houses. 
He then pushed a lever that released a long hose that shot high powered air through it. 

He manovoured the cage do that he was able to clear the guttering and drains around houses. I was very impressed. I was even more impressed when we landed and John took he into his house for tea and biscuits. 


Saturday, 25 July 2015

Granny law breaker

I was firstly attempting to place a plastic cover over an old Nokia mobile phone. This was made all the more difficult as I was in a clothes shop changing room trying on trousers. 

I was trying to put the cover on the phone one handed whilst pulling up a pair of trousers. I was struggling. 

As I continued to attempt the seemingly impossible, I noticed a woman causing problems in the shop, shouting at a member of staff. 

I went over without any trousers on and immediately without any warning, smashed the woman onto the floor knocking her unconscious. 

As I was preoccupied with this, a very old lady ran out of the shop with her arms loaded with clothes. She jumped into a postmans van and drove off. Everyone looked on in disbelief.  


Friday, 24 July 2015

Free bacon

I was working as a doorman in a city centre establishment. It was the early hours of the morning and I was cold and tired. As it started to get light a big fight broke out nearby but I chose to ignore it, I looked over after it had finished and saw that two traffic bollards had been flattened as a result of the fracas. 

Then my dad approached me saying he was going to the cafe for a cooked breakfast, I abandoned my post and followed him into the cafe. He sat at a long table with lots of other workmen and started tucking into a fried breakfast. I joined the queue to buy something, I decided before reaching the front, I'd have a bacon sandwich. 

Ahead of me being served was a woman who just wouldn't take her food and go, instead talking to the person serving and holding everyone up. The person serving was Billy from work and he looked very annoyingly at the woman, who eventually left after Bilły shouted at her, "Will you just go!"

I put my hand in my pockets to pay for my sandwich but Billy insisted that he would pay and that I should go and sit down. I thanked him and went to look for my dad. When I got to the table, my dad just stood up and walked out without speaking to me. 

Lastly I was in a room and saw a man peer around the corner at he and then disappear when I caught sight of him. I ran after him but every turn I took he seemed to be ahead of me and out of my sight. I eventually reached a huge glass window that was about ten feet high. 

The window was smashed and looked down to a street, when I peered down I could see a man's body laying dead below. A female sat on a sofa in the room I was in was crying. She sobbed and told me that he ran straight into the window. Oops. 


Thursday, 23 July 2015

Toffifee and wreaths

I was in a big field that contained both my horses, on the far side of the field, it looked out onto a beech. To either side of it were other fields which were empty. 
The forth side had a road and street on it. 

As I walked towards the horses I noticed people setting up tents and caravans in the field to my right. Annoyingly, they walked across my field to get to theirs. I decided that as the horses didn't seemed bothered by this, I wouldn't make a fuss. 

I left the field to the street and saw a man on a stall, he was selling boxes of Toffifee, those delicious toffee chocolate confectionery. I immediately thought about stealing some and engaged him in conversation in order to distract him. 

The guy on the stall kept calling me Steven for some reason, and when I looked down at my shirt, I had a name badge on with Steven printed on it. I removed it and put it in my pocket. 

I walked away and stood at the top of a car park that looked down towards a road and the beach waiting for the guy to leave the stall unattended. 

As I waited a car pulled up and honked it's horn, a door to a house on the other side of the car park opened and Danger from work ran out in a blind panic. 

He was carrying a huge wreath of flowers and ran towards the car shouting, "Criag wait for me, don't leave without me!"
The guy in the car drove into the car park and Danger must of thought he was leaving as he had a complete meltdown and started crying. 

The guy in the car, Criag I'm assuming, shouted out, "You'd be late for your own funeral ". A very tearful Danger got in the passenger seat and they left. 

I looked over at the stall to see if I was able to get some Toffifee and it had gone! 



Wednesday, 22 July 2015

Pink shirts & centipedes

I was standing in a high street, it was busy and there were many shops. I looked across to the other side of the street and could see a branch of Barclays Bank. I couldn't make out what it was that was glowing a vibrant pink colour in the window and so I crossed the road to investigate. 

As I looked in the window I saw work colleagues Suki and Gav, Suki was sat behide a desk talking to someone and the pink glow I'd seen was his very bright shirt. I pointed at him and laughed, he caught my eye and continued talking, determined to ignore me. Gav, who was sat at a desk next to Suki, looked at me, rolled his eyes and shook his head. He was very unimpressed with Suki's shirt. 

Next I was tucking my Jack Russell Humbug into bed as if he was a human, which to be fair isn't too far fetched anyway. I looked up and saw my neighbour Ann chatting to my work colleagues Matt and Adrian. She was explaining how her husband had created their garden. 

As I left Humbug sleeping I noticed that I had hundreds of legs, each of them had a different pair of shoes on them. I was actually a centipede and started to walk up the wall. I was amazed I was able to coordinate all my legs all at the same time. 

As I was vertical on the wall I stopped and admired my shoes, I tried to walk further up the wall and every pair of shoes fell off my feet into the floor, shortly followed by me with a thud as I hit the floor. 


Tuesday, 21 July 2015

Mind controlled opera

Last night I was in a pub, sat at the bar with my wife and my dads old life long friend, Doyle. There were two male bartenders, the pub wasn't busy but I did notice Emma from work sat at a table on her own. 

Doyle was silent and uncharacteristicly didn't make a fuss when the barman took his drink before he had finished it. Instead he stood up and shuffled out of the bar. 

My wife and I followed Doyle to get him back into the pub but he kept on walking, my wife continued after him and I returned to the bar just as the other barman took our unfinished drinks. 

With this I started throwing glasses at them, smashing the optics and other bottles. Emma jumped up from her seat and joined in. 

Both of the barman raised their hands and intently glared at us. We immediately had no control over over bodies and were being controlled by the barman. They raised their arms higher and both Emma and I lifted off the ground and slid up the wall. 

Opera music began playing and we were being used as mind controlled puppets, singing along to the opera music and acting out the moves. 

I was able to control my eyes and watched in horror as Dave from work entered the bar and one of the barman pulled his nose off with a pair of pilers. 

Dave run around screaming with blood pouring from his face. As Emma and I continued to sing opera, the barman started moving towards us with pilers in their hands. 

I began to panic, my eyes frantically darting as I was about to lose my nose. Thankfully I woke at this point. 


Monday, 20 July 2015

Time hop

I started off by standing in a street watching a peaceful protest of some kind. I had taken a photograph of the protesters and was looking at it. 

I was joined by a work supervisor called Mike and he was telling me a story about when he had been at work and a boss had pushed him out of the way. The story was very boring. 

As I looked at the photo again, I saw that one of the protesters was wearing a balaclava, had full military uniform on and was holding an automatic rifle. 

I tried to point this out to Mike but he kept telling his story. He even started to reenact the movements. I kept trying to interject but he wouldn't shut up. 

I was next in a totally deserted hospital, it was very eerie and I wandered long empty corridors in silence. 

I turned a corner and suddenly the lights all came on, the room filled with people out of thin air and the hospital was full. 

A nurse welcomed me and ushered me into a waiting room. I asked where I was going and she said I was there for my appointment. I told her it was the following day and she informed me it was the next day. 

Somehow in the flash from the deserted hospital, to being full again, I had jumped forward in time by 24 hours. 


Sunday, 19 July 2015


On the rare occasion that I don't recall my dream, I almost forget to post that I didn't! 


Saturday, 18 July 2015

Chinese crumpets & kangaroos

I was in a small shop that seemed to sell most things, along with my wife, we either owned the shop or were working there. We both seemed happy and content with being there. 

A Chinese man entered the shop and in a very heavy accent asked us for something but we couldn't make out what he was saying. After several attempts, it transpired that he was looking for some scones. My wife checked the shelf but we were sold old. 

She grabbed a packet of crumpets, held them up and said, "Scones". The Chinese man was very pleased and we charged him £4.00 for a something he didn't want. I even wished him a nice day as he left the store having been totally ripped off. 

Lastly I was watching a group of kangaroos jumping around, they were massive and looked very clumsy as they hopped about. After a while I realised they were just people dressed in kangaroo suits, which explained their poor hopping display. It didn't explain why however. 

The collective name for a group of kangaroos is a Mob by the way, if you're interested. I don't think there is yet a name for a collection of people dressed as kangaroos. 


Friday, 17 July 2015

Ginger abuse

I was walking up and down a large privet hedge that was immaculately cut square, it was slighy higher than my head, so I'd say it was around six feet high. I was unable to tell what was on the other side of the hedge. 

From out of a nearby house, two schoolboys appeared, I'd estimate them to have been around twelve years old. They approached me at the hedge and I noticed one of the lads had ginger hair. I picked his up and lifted him above my head and hurled him over the hedge. 

I climbed up and peered over the over side and saw the ginger lad had landed onto a metal drain cover. His head had hit it full on and he was poring blood. I looked back at the other boy who was shacking with fear, I said to him, "Don't worry, you're not ginger". 

Lastly I was in a huge workshop that was empty, I'd put the lights on to find that it contained big metal frames that were raised off the ground. On top of the frames were car jacks, all the same, blue and aligned. 


Thursday, 16 July 2015


I began by creeping into the garden of a work colleague called Bob. He was asleep in his conservatory with his wife that looked out into a large garden. I wasn't alone, but couldnt see who I was with, they were faceless figures. It was early morning. 

As I heard Bob snoring very loudly, I was confident that I was able to move closer to the house. I moved to a pine tree and started digging it up, I moved it laughing as replanted it in a different part of the garden. 

Just as I tip toed out of the garden, Bob woke up and shouted out, "Who's that in my garden?!"  I ran away with my faceless companions laughing as we went. 

I was then in my nan's back garden in the middle of the night, my car was parked in the middle of the lawn and had a cover over it. I noticed something moving under the cover and lifted the bottom of it to have a look. 

As I lifted the corner up an armadillo ran out and headed at speed towards the house. I ran after it shouting out to warn my wife to get all the animals in. When I entered the kitchen the armadillo was running in circles on the floor. 

My told me the dogs and cats were out of the way, I bent down and picked up a large fury mouse like creature and said, "What about this?"  My wife repiled, "That's not ours". 


Wednesday, 15 July 2015

The end of the World as we know it

For the second time this week I dreampt about rapper, Eminem. This time at least he managed to stay alive. I was in a prison and Eminem was standing on a church alter and was singing the 1987 hit from R.E.M, 'It's the end of the World as we know it'. 

As slim shady belted out the song, I sat beneath him feeding raspberries to a girl, she just tilted her head back and I gently popped them into her mouth. I then asked her out on a date. 

Lastly I was with my wife waiting outside the entrance to a public house, we were going in because someone had called in a disturbance. We waited outside for the arrival of one of our bosses from work called Biff. As he pulled up in his car, we both entered the pub. 

It was resemblant of walking into a Wild West saloon as the music stopped and all eyes were upon us as we entered. In no uncertain terms we were told to leave and that there was no problems there. 
We told Biff who decided it would be best to just leaver he area. 

Just as we were about to go, my mum walked past us heading for the pub. We told her that maybe the pub wasn't the best place for her to go to and she just replied, "Don't be daft, I always go in here". 


Tuesday, 14 July 2015

Needles, Blackadder & melons

Very odd in that the pain I am currently experiencing due to illness transfered into my dream last night and briefly woke me up. I was at work with colleague Scott who was topless, not the usual attire for our job. 

He handed me a hypodermic needle and asked me to inject him into his stomach. I didn't even question this and plunged the needle into his skin. As soon as I did this I felt pain in my stomach, Scott laughed and said, "It hurts doesn't it". With this I woke and felt the real pain I've been experiencing. 

After getting back to sleep I next found myself at Becontree station on the London Undergrounds district line. I was standing by the ticket machine with my dad laying in a bed next to me. My dad looked very poorly as he had been in his last few years with us. It saddened me to see him this way. 

Standing in front of the ticket machine was Rowan Attkinson in character as Blackadder, he was spooning out seeds from a melon. Both my dad and myself looked on unimpressed. 

Lastly my Nan had bought a new house and wanted me to see it. It was in Spain and the only way into it was through a trap door in the tiled floor. I opened up the door and climbed in. It was a twist of tunnels that after a while, I found it impossible to navigate through them. 

I climbed out and told Nan that she had made a mistake and that there was no way she would ever get through the tunnels. I then noticed that the room where the trap had been was now a grocers shop selling fresh fruit and vegetables. 
Someone asked how much an iceberg lettuce was and my Nan said it was 88p, the couple asking left the shop thinking that too expensive. 


Monday, 13 July 2015

Bike fight

I was at a service station that had a McDonalds restaurant in it, I was outside drinking a coffee when I saw two lads on push bikes. They had school uniforms on and we're heading towards me. 

They approached me and told me that there were other boys fighting at the entrance to the service station. I thought about going to look but decided I didn't want to get involved. The lads rode off towards the entrance. 

I kept watching them and saw them wait there until a few other lads appeared. The two cycle boys then started punching the other lads. With this I started running towards them wanting to stop them. 

As I reached them, the two boys cycled off laughing at me. I tried to catch them but they were just ahead of me and out of reach. The more they laughed at me the more irate I became. 



Sunday, 12 July 2015

Rubbish robbers

I was in a hospital with Faz from work, we both appeared to be employed there but it was unclear what we were doing. We just seemed to stand around chatting and then Faz said, "Let's go home early". I was in full agreement with this and we parted at the exit to the hospital. 

I walked along the old iron bridge over the railway line that I used every day back in my school days. As I strolled over reading the graffiti I noticed two women up ahead of me, they were huddled together with hoods up over their heads with their backs to me. 

As I approached them, they turned to face me and demanded money. I laughed out loud at them not taking them seriously. One of them pulled out a gun and threatened to shoot me, again I laughed. She pulled the trigger and I was hit by a peice of potatoe. I pushed past the woman heartily laughing as I walked away. 

I was next standing at the entrance to a paddock that contained my horse, he was tethered and standing happy and content. Three men approached me and my horse spooked and ran the length of the paddock. Instead of his lead rope breaking, it just stretched until it was about 100 feet long. 

I turned to the male nearest to me and said, "You are upsetting my horse". With that I plunged a kitchen knife into his chest and he dropped dead at my feet. The second male attempted to pull out a gun but before he could I had put a single bullet into his forehead, instantly killing him. 

The third male thinking he was about to die started crying. I said to him, "Run away, give me a little sport". I watched as he frantically ran into a nearby brick building, I smiled knowing there was no way out and that he would soon be dead. 


Saturday, 11 July 2015

Jesse Pinkman V Eminem

I was in a very squalid looking room that just had a sofa in the middle and was surrounded by rubbish. Sat on the sofa was actor Aaron Paul in the character of Jesse Pinkman from Breaking Bad, next to to him was rapper Eminem. 

I was watching them chatting and generally they appeared to be getting on well, I had wondered at first that their personalities might clash but all seemed peaceful. 

After what seemed like ages of watching them Jesse put his arm around the shoulder of Eminem and pulled him in closer to him, smiling as he did so. He then thrust a knife into his chest and held it in him, Jesse looked straight at me and grinned. 

I tried to shout out but couldn't speak and Jesse pulled out the knife and Eminem dropped to the floor dead. A massive pool of blood spread out from his corpse across the floor. All I could think was 'Why?' I still was unable to speak. 


Friday, 10 July 2015

Super Kelly

I was in a room with my wife friend who is also a work colleague, she had a female friend with her that I didn't know. We were sat at a table but their heads seemed right in front of my face. 

My wife's friend was bragging that her and her friend had slept with a supermodel, they both took great delight in explaining every detail of the event and I listened intently. 

Not to be outdone I told them both that I used to go out with model and actress Kelly Brook for 6 months. This was of course a total lie but they seemed to believe me. 


Wednesday, 8 July 2015

The screaming

I was dreaming I was asleep, always confusing, especially when my mum woke me up to say that I was screaming in my sleep. Of course that was still the dream, I was laying in my childhood bed and mum was telling me that I woke her up with my yelling. 

I fell back to sleep and was instantly woken by my mum again telling me I was screaming once more. I tried to recall my dream but I was actually still dreaming that I was awake. You can see how confusing this gets. 

I asked my wife this morning if I was screaming in my sleep and apparently I wasn't. 


Tuesday, 7 July 2015

Hose pipe & pants

Along with some guy I didn't know I was attempting to run a green garden hose pipe to a housing estate. The guy was driving ahead in a white van and I was walking and pulling the hose. 

I walked for miles ending up in the centre of the housing estate with the hose over my shoulder. Two women approached me and were very happy at getting a water supply. 

I looked further up the street and saw the white van, I apologied and continued walking. When I reached the van the guy told me that there was nowhere to connect the hose to. The other end that was miles away apparently wasn't connected either. 

I entered a house and saw a new born baby in a cot, it was crying and so I went into another room. The guy from the van was in there with two other men. All three were sat in their underpants. I dropped my trousers and sat there with them, all in our pants. 


Monday, 6 July 2015

London tunnel & threaded ears

I began my dream in London, it was dark and I walked a crowded street. Ahead of me I saw smoke coming out of a small hole in the floor. It wasn't big enough to get my foot in. 

I stopped above it and looked down to see it was a tunnel that contained people trapped in a fire. As I bent down to see, a man behind me nudged me and I fell into the hole. Despite not being big enough to, I was now in the tunnel. 

I started to push people out of the tunnel up and into the street. I bent myself out finally and everyone hailed me a hero for saving their lives. 

The last part of my dream I spent attempting to thread black cotton through someone's ear peircings. I took hours to do it but eventually I managed to have a thin thread right through the persons ears. 


Sunday, 5 July 2015

Do you think I'm crazy?

 I remember when, I remember, I remember when I lost my mind
There was something so pleasant about that place.
Even your emotions had an echo
In so much space

And when you're out there
Without care,
Yeah, I was out of touch
But it wasn't because I didn't know enough
I just knew too much

The song 'Do you think I'm crazy' was what I woke up with in my head this morning. But the Razerlight version they did on the Live Lounge on Radio One some years ago.  


Saturday, 4 July 2015


There was nothing more to my dream than I was shot in the legs. I don't know where I was or what I was doing, but I was hit in the lower legs with a spray of machine gun fire. 

The shock of it hurtled me out of my sleep and I sat up in bed and realising simultaneously that the dog had stretched out and the nails on his feet had pushed into my lower legs. 


Friday, 3 July 2015

Green house

I haven't dreamt about my birth place for some time, so always welcoming to be in my nan's old house. 

There used to be a dining room off of the living room that was accessible via a set of double doors. I entered into the dining room to discover it had changed dramatically. 

The entire room was made of glass, the roof was double height and peaked like a greenhouse. The bottom glass near to the floor had been painted blue up to head height. 

It still had the dining room table and chairs were sat in the centre of the room and the rest of the room resembled a greenhouse. The carpet had been replaced with soil. 


Thursday, 2 July 2015

German police

I was in a house that I didn't know, there were two young lads present and they didn't seem to be doing anything that I could see. 

Suddenly the front door burst open and a former work colleague called Tony entered the house. He approached the two lads and placed them both in handcuffs and told them they were arrested. 

Tony then opened the front door and loudly whistled, a crack squad of German armed police stormed into the room and pointed their guns at the lads, who immediately started crying. Tony walked out the house laughing. 

I followed Tony outside who was still laughing, he rushed back into the house and I again followed him. 
The mother of the two lads was there and she had smashed up a model aeroplane belonging to them. 

Tony pointed out that the model was very rare and was worth, before she smashed it, £100,000.  The woman began to cry, Tony laughed. 


Wednesday, 1 July 2015

Black labs

A little disturbing this one, given my love of animals. There were two fully grown black Labradors running around in a field near to me, all looked fine and they seemed happy enough. That was until they got a little closer and I noticed a red patch on the hind leg of one of them. 

I took a more detailed look and found that it was a chunk of flesh that was missing and the red was exposed and raw but not bleeding. I caught a glimpse of the other dog as it jumped around me and it too had a similar lump of flesh missing.  

As I attempted to get near to the animals to inspect them further, more of these red fleshy patches began to appear on their bodies before my eyes. The more I tried to get to the dogs, the more patches appeared only them. I woke at this point. 

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