Saturday, 31 January 2015

Pig cloud

I had completed my usual 4 hours of solid comatosed sleep this morning after a night shiftz and upon attending to natures calling and various puppy duties, I returned to bed for another nap. 

It was as I layed there thinking that I wasn't actually going to sleep again, that I saw a large white fluffy cloud floating in the sky. As I calmy watched it breezing across the sky, it turned into a pig. I smiled that I had recognised the shape and thought to myself that maybe I was asleep as there shouldn't be any clouds in my bedroom. 


Friday, 30 January 2015

Memory foam

I dreampt about a good friend and work colleague Lee Ann last night, who yesterday gave birth to a baby boy. Welcome to the World Alfie. 

I had entered a house and was met by Lee Anns daughter who handed me a home made cake. I saw Lee Ann in the corner of the room, still pregnant. 

Lee Ann explained that as she was pregnant she hadn't cooked me anything but instead handed me a pillow. It was a memory foam one and I excitedly placed my head on it and instantly fell asleep. 

When I awoke, both the pillow and Lee Anne had vanished and in the corner of the room was a miniature person I didn't reconise. They were the size of a barbie doll. 



Thursday, 29 January 2015

Don't panic!

I was at work but it was in a massive open plan room with desks around the outside walls. Sat with his feet up on the desk and hands behind his head was Adam, he was smiling. Suddenly an alarm started sounding and lots of people came running into the room. 

Calmly Adam said not to worry he had accidentally sent off his panic alarm that is situated under his desk. Annoyed that they had run to his assistance, everyone walked out of the room moaning. 

Within minutes, the alarm sounded again and the same people dashed into the room. Adam smiled, still with his feet on the desk and just said, "Oops". Everyone was incredibly angry at him and just as they went to leave, Adam's chair fell from under him and he crashed to the floor. 
Everyone left the room laughing. 


Wednesday, 28 January 2015

This is war

I began by being on the outside of a massive metal tank. It looked like some kind of indrustrial container on a huge scale. It was about the size of an office block but only on one level. 

I opened a hatch on the top and jumped in, I landed on a mini battleship that was the size of a car. The tank was half filled with water and my small sized ship was cruising up and down. 

I passed some more mini battleships and suddenly they started firing red lazer beems at me. I returned fire and a raging battle commenced.  In the heat of the battle I then suddenly found myself back on the outside of the tank. 

I was next watching the sun going down on the edge of a picturesque lake. Parked close by was a van converted into a mobile cafe. An old man was next to it holding a fishing rod. 

I wanted to capture a photograph of the scene and asked the old guy to stand by the lake with his rod and he would look great in the photo. 

The old man didn't seem to be able to talk and acted very strangely. I instantly came to the conclusion that he was mentally ill and walked away from him. 


Tuesday, 27 January 2015

Cheap Jacks

I was with my mum and older sister and we were looking for my nan. My nan has not been with us now for many years but she was a huge influence on my life. We were at the local shops Close to where my mum still lives  

When I was younger and still living at home, there was a shop that sold everything, it had tones of stuff outside on the pavement, locally it was known as Cheap Jacks but was called something else that I can't remember. To everyone, it was Cheap Jacks, if you ever needed something, they had it cheaper than anyone else. 

It was dark and all the shops were closed, above the door to Cheap Jacks was a door bell but it was about 15 feet off the floor. I cupped my hands and gave my sister a leg up, she pushed the button to ring the doorbell and the button fell off. 

As she climbed down the door was opened by a small child who then ran off. We all entered and noticed a room to the right full of playing happy children. A man came out and informed us that my nan had passed away. 

We wasn't surprised or upset because we knew she wasn't with us anymore. We walked upstairs and opened a door. There sat in the room was both my nan and grandad. 

They were both happy and smiling and waved at us. It wasn't until we went back downstairs that we realised that everyone in the house had passed away. They were all happy and so we left content ourselves. 


Monday, 26 January 2015

A little respect

Last night I was in the town of Huntingdon, Cambridgeshire and I was a police officer. Some local officers were chasing a car full of lads but had lost them. 

I didn't know the area at all and so got lost, standing in a street next to my car, I saw a couple of the lads come out of a house. I grabbed them and informed them I'd be searching their house. 

Inside the house there were about six lads and the place was a typical teenage mess. I sat them all in one room while I searched a bedroom. 

As I half heartedly went through cupboards and draws, I heard the song, 'A little respect ', the 1988 hit from Erasure. I started to sing it out loud and stopped what I was doing. 

I went back into the other room still singing and everyone had run off. 


Saturday, 24 January 2015

Paperwork & haircuts

An odd mix of things from last night, starting with me being in my mums house. My dad had just died and was laying on the sofa. My dad has been gone for nearly 12 years now. 

He was very peaceful looking and I wasn't upset as I knew he was already no longer with us. 
Also in the room was a man filling out paperwork in relation to my dad. 

He asked me dads full name and date of birth, I started giving them and when it came to the question of his place of birth, my dad said, "London mate."

Next I could feel something rubbing my head, I initially thought it was one of my animals but it felt like a human hand. 

I then realised I was actually dreaming and the hand rubbing over my head was my own. As I rubbed my hand over my head, huge clumps of hair fell away as if I was clipping it with a cutter. 

My hand was acting like hair trimmers and I removed all my hair until I was bald.  


Friday, 23 January 2015


Last night I returned to my place of birth in Essex, it was my nan's house where I spent a lot of my childhood. I was walking around outside in the street and didn't realise where I was initially. 

It was slightly dark and with the light fading, I noticed a road sign. Reading it, I instantly smiled to see 'Ravensbourne Cresent'. 

After this I just walked around happy and content, knowing I was safe with a feeling that all was good with the World and nothing could bad could happen to me. 


Thursday, 22 January 2015

Undercover shoppers

I was on the Embankment in London, somewhere close to Westminster it looked like. For some reason I was trying to lift a shopping trolley over the wall I to the river, it was jam packed full of various items and was far to heavy for me to lift. 

As I struggled with this, two Eastern European men were sat on the wall watching me. I shouted at them to help me but they just smiled and continued to watch me. I decided climbing into the trolley and jumping up and down would help me. 

After doing this for a while the two men interjected and told me they were in fact Metropolitan Poliçe Officers and were working under cover and posing as Eastern European men. Armed with this information, I decided it best to just walk away. 



Wednesday, 21 January 2015


I spent the night in a kind of suspended floating state.  Couldn't see or hear anything, I was aware of my surroundings, that of my bedroom, but nothing else. 

It wasn't exactly floating in the air or on water, just a kind of half way state between the two. Every now and again I'd wake up and check the time and realise I still had hours left before I needed to get up. 

Happy with my time left in bed, after each time check, I'd go back to my suspended condition. 
I have woken rather refreshed today too. 


Tuesday, 20 January 2015


I was sat in an old work place of over 15 years ago and all the bosses and staff were gathered around a table. I was sat on another table which faced the large table containing everyone else. The room was in total silence and everyone was looking at me. 

I knew I was there for a disciplinary hearing but we were waiting for someone else to attend, I don't know who this was. In the corner of the room was my fridge from my house now and one of the secretaries commented on how nice it was. 

The waiting went on and on and still no one arrived. Suddenly the bosses assistant shouted out, "We'll miss you!"  I guess the hearing wasn't going to be a faverable outcome then! 


Monday, 19 January 2015

Cats, dogs & pigs

Firstly I was walking my dog in the streets surrounding my mums house, he was on his lead, which he normally isn't because he never runs off. On another lead was one of my cats called Bear. 

On a third lead one of the guniea pigs called Monkey, Monkey and Bear were becoming tangled as they walked and my Dog Humbug, walked straight. 

Bringing up the rear, not on a lead was my other guniea pig, Boris. He never wandered off and kept up with the pack. 

Lastly I walked into a co op store hoping to cash a cheque. The guy at the checkout was very unsure and called the manager. The manager was my friend and work colleauge, Gary Potter. 

Gary, up until recently was a manager in a co op store. He appeared from behind some boxes and winked at me. The guy on the checkout couldn't see Gary despite him being in front of him. 

Gary then let out a massive fart and put his hand over his mouth like a naughty school boy. The checkout guy looked at me in disgust and said, "Sorry sir I can't help you". 


Sunday, 18 January 2015

Sticky man

I entered a house and met a man walking out and we bumped shoulders, he looked at me and shook his head and continued leaving. From the hallway within the house I saw a room to my left with the door slightly open. 

I pushed the door open and saw a male and female sat on the floor against a wall. The female was sat in the lap of the male. As I approached them, the female rolled over and laid on the floor. I then saw that the man was naked but there was something odd about him. 

His arms and legs were stuck together with a sticky gooey mess. As he tried to lift his arms, lumps of flesh ripped from his body. He stood up and the same happened with his legs. I noticed that his armpit hair was long and down to his waist. 

He also had so much pubic hair that it covered most of his lower body and legs. He had a pained expression on his face and as he tried to move, more lumps of flesh ripped from his body. 
I just looked at him and watched as gooey flesh dripped onto the floor. 

The man then stood with his back to a full length mirror and bent over forwards, he cranked his head around and looked at the reflection of his butt in the mirror. It wasn't a pretty sight. 


Saturday, 17 January 2015

House party

A very alarming start to the night, I woke up choking in a smoke filled room and thought the house was on fire. All I did was annoy the dog because I woke him in my panic. It was not real. 

Back to sleep and I was having a house party at a new flat, my mum was helping me move in. The only down side to the party was I'd neglected to invite anyone. 

This was resolved as my mum knocked on the neighbours door, who as luck would have it, was also having a house party and the guests all spilled into my flat. 

I then saw Pipi from work who said he was my new neighbour and began waving his arms around in my living room, there was no music playing and he was displaying his best dad dancing. 

I went into the kitchen and realised I'd lost my mobile phone, I then caught a glimpse of myself in a mirror and saw I had a very long beard. 

This alarmed me greatly and I set about cutting it off with scissors. As a result of this, I ended up cutting my face and I was dripping blood. 


Friday, 16 January 2015

Chest pains

Sound asleep after my last night shifz and my brain is absolutely dormant, due to a combination of sleep deprivation over the week and slipping into coma upon making contact with the pillow. 
I suddenly started to get an extreme crushing sensation on my chest. 

A momentary panic thinking I was having a clutcher passed quickly when I saw my dog jumping on me, a face wash from him, confirming I am not ready to depart the world just yet. 


Thursday, 15 January 2015

Dream interruptions

I could hear a very dull thud that was becoming progressively louder and more frequent. 
It was a parcel delivery at my front door and my wife was at the end of the garden with the dogs and so didn't hear it. 

No idea what I was dreaming of, if anything as parcel guy ruined my sleep!


Wednesday, 14 January 2015


Two very contrasting parts to my dream last night, bringing the old together with modern day. 
I was sedatly trotting trough my village on a horse and cart, I was even dressed in Victorian style clothing, I really did look the part. 

As I rounded a corner near to my house, I stopped the horse next to my front door. As I did this, the cart and horse vanished and I was transported inside my house looking out the front window. 

Just as looked out a car smashed into my car and started rolling along the street. I ran outside and it was total carnage, there were five cars all smashed into pieces and the orginal that hit mine was up the street on its roof. 

I turned to call out to my wife but everything slowed down and I began moving in slow motion. It was a struggle to move and as I pushed to get towards the tangle of crushed metal, I froze on the spot. 
I then woke up. 


Tuesday, 13 January 2015

Sweets and cash

After a night shiftz I passed out this morning fully expecting not to dream, due to extreme tiredness, however. 
I was standing along the top a castles turret, I was totally motionless and unable to feel any sensation in my hands at all. 
A brief awakening from my sleep and I had pins and needles in both my hands. 

Next I was in a hotel room with my wife and we were about to check out but wanted to go to a market before going home. I was trying to work out if we needed to pay extra to stay in the room. My wife just laughed at me and told me to not be so dumb. I felt slightly upset by her comments. 

Lastly, again with my wife I was visiting a very old lady in her house. We were making sure that she had food and was warm, for some reason the lady wanted to lay on the floor. We walked out of her house leaving the old woman horizontal on her living room carpet. 

As we walked along the street my wife pulled out handfuls of sweets she had stolen from the house. She asked me what I had got and produced wads of cash. We walked away laughing. 


Monday, 12 January 2015

Eastenders Baldie

I began by being at my Nan's old house, a place I spent most of my childhood with happy memories. I was looking for an ice lolly and began a search of the rooms. After a while I noticed that I was looking down at the flooring in my own house, but I was still at Nan's. 

Next I'm a bus driver and I pull over at a bus stop and a woman and two children are waiting to get on. I turn off the engine and get out, telling her a new driver is taking over and she will have to wait. I stand next to the bus but can't see my replacement. 

I then see that I am at Becontree underground station and my mum is standing next to me. She looks at me and says nothing but loudly breaks wind and laughs. I move away from her somewhat upset by her behaviour. 
The replacement driver arrives and he is moaning that the bus has been left unattended. 

Finally I was in my bedroom asleep and my wife woke me up. I saw that my wardrobe was totally empty and my wife was laughing that she had thrown all my clothes away. 
She then ran out of the room saying that she was going to wake my parents up. 

I could hear her singing and making every effort to wake them, she came back into the room and said, "They aren't ready to get up yet". 
I then noticed that my wife was now actress Letitia Dean, from Eastenders. She was totally naked and completely bald. 

I looked at her with a mixture of shock and horror, she then put a blonde wig on and laughed out loud. 


Sunday, 11 January 2015

Still life

I thought I was watching a film to start with, the setting was a large open field that led onto mountains int he background. It was that time just before dust when the light is fading fast, the image before me didn't move. 

After staring at this for what seemed like hours, I realised that it wasn't a film or a TV program, but a picture hanging on the wall. I was in fact inside but as I was so close to the picture, I couldn't see the frame or wall it was hanging on. 


Saturday, 10 January 2015

Grumpy dispenser

I began by being on a very odd complex of raised gardens, which were connected via grassed walkways, all at different heights and twisted and turned. After going across one walkway, I'd step onto another garden, they were all resemblant of Chelsea flower show contestants, trying to win gold. 

Sat on a small grassy knoll was my younger sister, she smiled and so I thought she wanted to talk to me. I sat down next to her and she abruptly told me, "That seats taken". I got up and walked away. 

Next I arrived at a chemists to collect a prescription, the shop was in the middle of nowhere and I couldn't see anyone other than man washing a car outside. When I called out the guy cleaning the car dropped his sponge and walked into the shop. 

I noticed it was my work colleague Stu, he hadn't noticed it was me and appeared very grumpy at being disturbed. Stu was wearing blue coloured workman's overalls and a brown flat cap. He started to look into boxes to make up my prescription. As he did this the shop completely filled with people, all of which, Stu ignored. 

I sat waiting as a woman in the shop canvassed everyone for tea and coffee, then Stu shouted out, "Max!"  I walked over hoping he would acknowledge me but he just handed me a box and walked out the back of the shop in a foul looking mood. 
When I got into my car I checked my prescription. It was a box of matches. 


Friday, 9 January 2015


To begin with, my wife and myself were on an old London double decker bus travelling from London towards our house. As we approached our village, I noticed there was no driver and the bus didn't appear to be stopping. 

I jumped in the drivers seat and slammed my foot on the break, causing the bus to come to a juddering halt. We got off and then realised our suitcases were at the very front and had to get all the passengers off the bus to get to them. 

When we got them, our neighbours, Clare and Lawrence came up to us and asked if we wanted to to Las Vegas with them. We of course accepted but first went into our house to freshen up. 

Whilst I was in the bathroom, which I didn't recognise as our own, I saw three mice running around the room. I smiled at them. I could then hear my wife talking to my friend and work colleague, Fran. My wife was telling Fran to keep her voice down as I was asleep. 

Fran appeared to have been drinking and was slurring her words and giggling, she shouted out, "I'm not making a noise, I'm Frantastic!" With this I opened the door holding one of the mice whilst stroking it. 

Fran was dancing and staggering around the room and when she saw me with the mouse, started crying. My wife looked at me and just shrugged her shoulders.  


Thursday, 8 January 2015


I was totally heartbroken for some reason, in floods of tears and sobbing like a baby. Fortunately I was asleep and dreaming this, as I can't recall ever being so upset in waking life. 

As I awoke from my sleep, I could hear the lyrics, 'Living in a box, living in a cardboard box'. A 1987 hit from the uninspiringly named band, Living in a box. 

I'm glad to report that despite the unhappy nature of my dream, I am feeling fairly upbeat. 


Wednesday, 7 January 2015

Prehistoric construction

I was within a large warehouse type building, or an aircraft hanger, that kind of size. I was at the top of a very large set of stairs on wheels, not dissimilar to the ones for boarding a plane. 

Armed with face mask and blow torch, I was welding large pieces of metal together, the construction was at least 30 feet in height. It wasn't apparently obvious what I was making. 

Not until I climbed down the stairs and walked back towards the far wall of the building, was the true enormousy of my creation revealed. I had made a giant metal dinosaur, it resembled a Tyrannosaurus Rex, only much bigger than the orginal living beast would have been. 


Tuesday, 6 January 2015

It's curtains

I started off by being very aware that I needed to pee and was standing in my mums living room, I was peeing up her curtains before waking up and hastily heading down to the toilet. 

Upon resuming my slumber, I was with my mum and she was trying to buy me a car but I couldn't decide on what to have. It had started to get dark and so we started to walk back to her house. 
As we approached the house, I noticed the lights were on in the living room and I could see straight in. 

I asked mum why the curtains weren't drawn. She just looked at me and said, "You know why, I've had to put them in the cleaners!"  Instead of going into the house, mum ushered me past, I had the feeling my dad was home and tried to look in to see him. 

My mum just kept ushering me along the road and said, "He's gone, you know that". 


Monday, 5 January 2015


Not sure what is going on with my dreams at the moment, another very brief one and with one subject. 
I was digging holes in a large field in the dark, couldn't see anything other than the grass beneath my feet. 

I then filled each hole in with fresh compost which I had produced myself from my garden waste. I had a proud feeling of achievement as I did this. This was all that I did and it seemed to be hours of effort too. 


Sunday, 4 January 2015

A whole lot of nothing

One of those rare and welcome sleeps with no brain activity last night. I have woken rather refreshed. 

Saturday, 3 January 2015

It bites!

High on a mountain the men looked below
Cooked up a plan that would outwit their foe
They scrambled down the mountain shooting reclaimed all the bandits looted
Calling all the heroes they're shooting up the town boys.

That's all I have, the 1986 hit 'Calling all the heroes from 'It bites', possibly the stupidest name for a band in the history of stupid band names. 


Friday, 2 January 2015

Insurance Quote

Can't believe how boring my dream was last night! I actually was dreaming about getting insurance quotes and setting up a direct debt to accommodate my new policy. 

This went on for hours too, as I carefully looked at the benefits each company had to offer to arrive at the best deal for me. No idea what I was trying to insure however? 


Thursday, 1 January 2015

Vegetable pool

I was playing pool in a darkened public house, nothing unusual in that. However, the balls were all vegetables, swedes, potatoes and onions. 

I had a pool cue and attempted to line up a shot. As I hit what I thought was a swede, it turned into a ceramic plant pot, complete with a flower. 

The plant pot fell over and smashed, casting soil over the green table covering. I again took a shot at the swede but the end of the cue stuck into it.  

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