Sunday, 30 June 2013
I started off by being in the shower, an ordinary procedure but not one I usually have company doing.
Nigel from work was standing over the bath and was wrapping a bandage around my head. He continued to apply it until my entire head was covered and I couldn't see.
Next I was driving a van and I had four birthday cakes in the back. Two were in the shape of a blue Hillman Imp car and the other two had houses and a garden on the top. I was delivering them to my mums house where my wife was waiting for me.
I couldn't find a parking space outside the house so had to leave the van in the cul-de-sac just around the corner.
As I carefully balanced a cake in each hand with the intention to return for the other two, Tom from work, who has a striking resemblance to DJ Fat Boy Slim appeared.
He was smartly dressed in a suit and as I attempted to get past him he deliberately blocked my way and said, "I'm not moving".
I bumped into him causing some icing to dislodge on the cakes. I put them down and attempted to repair them but they started to fall apart. Tom stood firm with a stubborn look on his face.
I could see my wife standing at the entrance to my mums house waiting expectedly for the cakes. Annoyed that Tom had deliberately ruined them I smashed one of the cakes into his face quickly followed by the other.
I ran back to the van grabbed the remaining two cakes and smashed both in turn as hard as I could into Tom's smug face.
From my part of the World the cul-de-sac is known as a Banjo due to its shape.
Saturday, 29 June 2013
My nights adventure began in Ireland. I was standing on a bridge looking down at a street below. Matching along the street were around twenty men carrying riot shields.
Upon closer inspection I saw that the men had enclosed another man who walked along with them in the centre of them protected by the wall of shields.
The reason the man was being given such coverage was to allow him to use cotton buds to clean his ears. As the mass of man and polycarbonate protection moved along the street, the man at the centre of it all, franticly rammed the buds into his ears.
The remainder of my dreaming involved myself along with friend and colleague Claire following a short man in a tall hat.
As the man moved from place to place, another follower would get in line and trot behind him.
Before long there were hundreds of us following the little man in the large hat.
Claire turned to me and said that she had won some compensation in a claim and that she was no longer going to follow the twat in the hat as she put it.
Thinking this a great idea I too broke away from the masses of devoted followers and walked off with Claire. I could hear the little man shouting as I left but ignored him.
Friday, 28 June 2013
I'm not in the initial part if my dream but just an observer. There is a large caravan that contains around 20 Eastern European males that have come to Britain to work.
They discover that the doors and windows are all locked shut and that apart from a small strip of the floor, the entire caravan has become magnetic.
As they wonder what is going on, pots and pans stick to the floor and ceiling.
Suddenly the caravan starts to raise off the ground and slowly and gently floats away. Passing over houses and gardens the caravan barely clears the tops of fences. The occupants are panicking and unsure what is happening when it comes to land in a hospital ward full of dying old people.
Hospital staff have no idea what is going on as the magnetic force from the caravan flows over an old man and he is brought back from the brink of death.
Ex prime minister Tony Blair enters and explains that it is all his doing and he is going to save the country.
He says that the magnetic force restores life and opens a plastic tub that contains fruit that is still fresh after a year.
When the lid lifts off the fruit immediately rotted and decayed and the old man died.
Lastly I was painting the walls to my old childhood bedroom using a hose. The colour was a light blue and as I sprayed I could hear Katy Perry singing her 2010 hit 'Firework'.
My black leather jacket was hanging on the door and foolishly I thought I could paint around it.
The only trouble with using a hose pipe to paint was that my jacket became light blue!
Thursday, 27 June 2013
I spent what seemed like the entire night talking to my wife.
I'm normally informed the following morning about what I've even saying and sometimes shouting as I sleep. But today I'm told I said nothing.
Odd then that I was chattering away about anything and everything and didn't actually speak.
Sleep talking often occurs concurently with other sleep disorders such as sleep terrors, confusional arousals, obstructive sleep apnea syndrome, and REM sleep behavior disorder. In rare cases, adult-onset frequent sleep-talking is associated with a psychiatric disorder or nocturnal seizures. Sleep talking associated with mental or medical illness occurs more commonly in persons over 25 years of age.
Wednesday, 26 June 2013
Last night again I dreamt I was a police officer. This time I was with a lad called Jamez who is very tall, stocky and looks very imposing.
Arriving at a house Jamez had a photo of a man that was wanted and I told him to knock on the front door while I covered the back.
After a while I returned to the front to find Jamez chatting to a group of men in the entrance to the house. He said to me that the men didn't know who we were looking for. One man with a large beard was very angry at being woken up.
I asked Jamez to check the photo of the wanted man and it was the bearded man.
I slapped handcuffs on the man and pulled him out of the house and told Jamez to take him to the police car. The rest of the household started to become angry and turned on us.
I began to randomly pepper spray anyone that moved and as more and more people arrived I turned to see that Jamez was casually wandering up the street and the bearded man was ahead of him making a dash for freedom.
The entire neighbourhood arrived and they were all anti police I ran out of pepper spray and shouted for Jamez to help. As I became surrounded by hostile residents I could just see Jamez in the distance hiding behind a parked car.
Ahead of him was the bearded fugitive who was getting clean away.
Tuesday, 25 June 2013
I was wandering through a vast complex of rooms that all interconnected. Within each room was an air conditioning unit and a chair.
I kept walking until I found a room that was different, it still had the same items inside but this one also had a work bench.
From behind the work bench appeared my good friend Lee Ann who was painting a picture but I couldn't see it.
When I strained over the bench to see it was her fiancé Andy and he was the painting. Covered in abstract paintings he was a naked living breathing canvas of art.
I joined in and painted a tribal style tattoo on his arm.
I was next carrying some shopping to my car when an old lady on a mobility scooter deliberately rammed the rear of my car. I ran around but she had made off up the street. Inspecting my bumper I saw it was dented.
I chased after the old lady and saw her go into a shop. I grabbed hold of her and shouted my annoyance at her. She just said calmly, "I always park there"!
With this I pulled out a leather wallet and opened it and shouted, "Police"!
A shop worker grabbed the wallet from my hand and started to inspect it demanding to see my picture ID.
Confident that I was a genuine police officer I opened a flap in the wallet but there was only various pictures of me as a child.
The shop worker threw me out into the street shouting, "You're a fake"! I looked back to see the old lady laughing at me.
Monday, 24 June 2013
I appeared to be some kind of community do gooder last night. On a bicycle I rode around my neighbourhood looking out for trouble. I soon found it in an entrance lobby to an old people's home where a group of teenage boys were drunk.
They all gave me attitude and so I took hold of one lad by the ear and pulled it off. This seemed to work and they all dispersed and as they ran off a huge black and white porcupine chased after them.
Next I'm wasn't directly in the dream but watching it. Set in an office block all off the employees were very curious as to what was in the basement. The lift didn't go down that far and only certain people had access to it.
One man stole a bosses pass card and got in the lift and descended to the basement.
When the doors opened it was a gymnasium but all the men were dressed in suits and brightly coloured leather gimp masks.
Two females were kissing in a corner and when the man approached them they stopped and told him that they were a couple now but not to tell anyone.
The man alarmed by what he was seeing turned to leave and caught his reflection in a mirror.
He had a red gimp mask on and despite all his efforts it wouldn't come off.
Sunday, 23 June 2013
First up I was walking along the street and outside all of the shops and houses were vegetable plots.
Rows and rows of neat cabbages and carrots made an orderly display. It crossed my mind that there was nothing to stop people taking them.
Next yet another appearance from my friend Matt, this time he is teaching canoeing lessons on a lake with an island in the centre of it.
I can see the canoes moving across the water and hear laughter and shouts from his pupils but they are invisible.
The canoes keep over turning and putting the pupils under water and I hear them screaming but I'm just looking at empty canoes moving on their own.
Thankfully Matt wasn't singing this time.
Lastly I attend a foreign lady's house who has been burgled. She keeps touching everything despite me asking her not too because they need fingerprinting.
I walk into another room and find around twenty teenagers all sitting in silence. As I am about to speak they all put their finger up to their lips to stop me.
I walk back into the room where the female is and she is carrying a 50 inch plasma TV.
Saturday, 22 June 2013
Apart from spending a great deal of the evening being unwell, I had a brief recognition of a car smashing into a studio audience.
As the darkened studio crowd watched something that I couldn't see a crashing sound erupted as the car broke through the wall hitting the audience.
I opened my eyes and I was awake.
Friday, 21 June 2013
Rather oddly a person I haven't seen for over 30 years appeared in my dream last night.
I was in a London Theatre watching a live stage show of Ice Hockey on Broadway with the main character being Joan who I used to know. Not unexpectedly she did look exactly the same as I remembered her. Set to music she and a cast of many glided around on roller blades pushing a puck around.
The last section of dreaming prior to waking involved several children playing in a field. I didn't recognise them but I did know them and they knew me.
They came running over to me and said that there was a man living next door that had just got out of prison and he was a bad man.
I tried to convince them that he should be given a chance and not be judged by his past actions.
One of the children looked at me and just said, "Yeah whatever!"
Thursday, 20 June 2013
Last night I'd entered a hotel that was still under construction but was open. Inside I met my friend Matt who said he would save me money by only paying for himself and letting me share his room.
I waited for Matt to pay and go to the room and I entered a short time after. Upon going in the room I could hear the Boyzone song, 'No matter what' coming from the bathroom.
I noticed that there were two single beds but only one had bedding on it.
The bathroom door opened and Matt paraded into the room dressed in bright yellow pyjamas and he was singing out loud, "No matter what they tell us
No matter what they do
No matter what they teach us
What we believe is true"
I'm stuck with that image now!
Wednesday, 19 June 2013
Once again my dream was centred around me needing the toilet. This time I was holding a hardback copy of the book Willy Wonka and the chocolate factory.
I made my way into a public toilet with three cubicles with my book under my arm.
I entered a cubicle and instead of a toilet there was a large blue plastic barrel full of water. I carefully balanced my book on the rim of the barrel and began to pee.
As I am still doing my business a small boy enters the cubicle and spits on my book. Outraged by this I take hold of the boys head and dunk it repeatedly into the barrel.
The boy quickly sees the error of his actions and starts to cry. I wipe the book on his clothes and walk off and wake up needing the toilet.
Tuesday, 18 June 2013
Standing in the street with a gun blasting oncoming aliens with a handful of others doing the same, I took pleasure in killing every last one of them.
Or so I thought, as I stood triumphant the sky darkened as a massive alien spaceship filled the horizon.
We turned and fled as a huge tidal wave of water started to crash through the streets towards us. Before I could get far I was engulfed in water.
The next thing I knew I was collecting horse pooh from a field and loading it into a wheelbarrow.
With my barrow full I started to head for the gate out of the filed. I then noticed that a bull was running towards me, another look and I saw there were several of them charging at me.
Not letting go of my wheelbarrow I ran at full speed reaching the gate.
I then saw that all my collected pooh had fallen out!
Monday, 17 June 2013
Last night I found myself at either a train station or airport. It wasn't clear as I was in a terminal waiting to depart but couldn't see beyond the exit.
I didn't have a suitcase but knew I had left one somewhere but couldn't remember where it was. Everyone around me were either carrying or pulling a suitcase on wheels.
The suitcases were all at least 8 feet tall too, making them extremely difficult to manoeuvre.
As I watched the people go by, they were either attempting to pick up fallen cases or struggling to move them across the shiny floor.
Sunday, 16 June 2013
I was slowly reversing my car up to the closed door of a garage. It looked fairly ordinary as garages go but I was aware that it was for sale and the asking price was one million pounds.
I stopped switched off my engine and stared intently at it through my rear view mirror.
The next thing I was aware of was that I was late for school, I was an adult and the school was one that I worked at rather than attended as a child.
Knowing that I faced losing my job for constantly being late I franticly ran along empty corridors looking for teachers.
I spent hours searching the entire school without finding anyone.
In my mind I then came to the logical conclusion that if no one knew I was late then I was safe from losing my job.
I woke up with the song 'One night only' in my head but the version sung by that child on Britain's got talent. Most annoying.
Saturday, 15 June 2013
I woke my wife with my shouting out in my sleep last night. The reason being was that I saw an old woman who was holding up the decapitated head of the queen by the hair.
Such was my distress at seeing our monarch befall such a gruesome end like some of her predecessors that I yelled out in alarm.
I next drove a white Ferrari into a field where some kind of village fate was going on. I found my dads best friend Pat very drunk falling all over the place and decided to look after him.
After a while Pat decided he wanted an ice cream and we located an ice cream van but the woman said she had no electricity and everything had melted.
Pat asked for some chocolate flakes and when the woman handed them to him they were made of ice cream. Pat grabbed hold of them and the ice cream squirted into the air.
Friday, 14 June 2013
I was in the bath at my mums house having a soak when I noticed that I didn't have any soap, shampoo or towel.
I was also aware that I was late for work so I stepped out of the tub and started to levitate a few feet off the floor.
Dripping wet and naked I floated out of the bathroom and into a supermarket checkout. Staff and customers noticed me but didn't seem to think a naked man levitating was strange and went about their business.
As often in my sleep when I need the toilet I dream about it, this time I entered a bathroom to find the urinal was in the shape of a trombone and blue. Water was leaking from it so I decided to wee in the sink.
Just as I stepped over towards the sink a doctor entered the room with a young man and his baby. He placed both father and son into the sink and started to examine them.
The doctor spoke as he conducted his examination and said the the man, "Don't worry surgery will rectify this problem".
When I looked at the baby closer, it had a full beard!
Thursday, 13 June 2013
I was inside a room and I wanted to wash my hands so needed to go into the bathroom. I have no idea where I was but knew the bathroom was through a door to the room I was in.
Before opening the door I placed a rubber car mat under it which was black but had a picture of singer song writer Paul Weller on it.
Entering the room I noticed the door handle also had Paul's picture on it.
Washing my hands at the sink, the soap dispenser had his face on the front of it.
Next very aware that I was asleep because I was running circles around a gym. This is something I'd never do awake so it was definitely a dream.
Placed around the sides were grey coloured shorts with signs above them saying, 'Clean shorts'.
Lastly I was in my car driving around the town centre of Barking in Essex. Trying to find a parking space was impossible as every where was rammed.
I was then walking around a small office building unaware how I got there, a woman asked if I needed help and I stated that I just needed a parking space.
The woman offered me a space in their company car park and I thanked her and went outside to find my car but it was nowhere to be seen.
Wednesday, 12 June 2013
Last night I had a dream I was applying or a job in one of the chain of menswear shops at Burtons. It was a two storey premises with a basement. As I descended the stairs I was told that there were two other candidates for the position.
I felt confident of getting the job but just as I reached the bottom of stairs I noticed that there was a stack of newly published Burton magazines.
On the front cover was the grinning face of my friend Matt who I then discovered in the basement also applying for the job.
On the cover under his photo it said, 'The new face of Burton'.
Clearly annoyed at their decision to chose Matt without giving me an interview I left vowing my revenge.
I was next in my mums front bedroom with a man I didn't know. I was informing him that I had planted a stack of dynamite in the basement at Burtons and it would explode as soon as Matt entered to start his new job.
The man said that I wouldn't get away with it and that I was trapped in the room with him.
I then opened the small window and squeezed through it, just as I dropped the man shouted that I'd kill myself in the fall.
Little did he know that I had planned my escape and in the street below I had placed hundreds of cuddly toys to break my fall.
Tuesday, 11 June 2013
I was trying to get my mum back home. I'm unsure where we were but I flagged down a bus and secured us both a ride for only 10 pence. Bargain.
There were limited seats so I stood in the isle facing a man who was smoking. Looking around at the rest of the passengers, most were also puffing away on cigarettes. Maybe that's why it was do cheap to travel.
I said to the man before me to kindly keep his smoke away from me and he deliberately blew a mouthful of smoke into my face.
Just as he did this we entered a dark tunnel throwing the bus into total darkness. As we emerged from the tunnel the smoking man was laying on the floor unconscious. I had a satisfied smile on my face.
Next I was going to watch an open air standup comedy show in the street close by to my mums house. I was very surprised when the Queen and the late Queen mother both arrived at my mums front door. The Queen said to me, "One is here for the comedy show, would you make us some toast".
I rushed to the local cafe only to find it packed and everywhere I looked was rammed with people.
I decided to take her majesty and her royal mother into my mums. It was a very odd sight to see them both sat in my mums modest living room munching on toast.
Monday, 10 June 2013
I was in my mums house upstairs in what was my sisters old room when we all lived at home.
Through the open window flew a blackbird which perched on my shoulder. It was very friendly and I decided I would keep him as my pet.
I was next with a man that looked familiar but I didn't know him. We were in a fire engine and arrived at a scene of some kind of disaster. The road was cordoned off police and other fire engines were present.
The man I was with said we needed to get the ladder off the top of the truck and we took an end each. As I walked backwards the ladder just kept coming, growing to a ridiculous length.
I walked backwards into a long tunnel and the other end of the ladder was still on the top of the fire engine.
After I'd walked for about a mile the man shouted that the ladder was off and we could now use it.
With us on either end of the ladder it was totally impossible to manoeuvre and we were in a vast dark tunnel so couldn't see either. The man shouted that we needed to put the ladder back and we struggled out of the tunnel into the daylight.
Everyone had gone and the street was normal as if nothing had ever happened.
Sunday, 9 June 2013
I fell into such a deep sleep last night that I can only recall the dream I had just prior to once again being woken by a very intrusive alarm indicating it was time to join the real world.
I was with a group of unknown people and I was once again searching for something. The something was not known and I was walking over hills and through empty streets.
I'm sure it all had a deep meaning but I'm really not awake enough to even contemplate it.
I was thinking during the dream about why I am always searching, maybe I'd not like what I find?
Saturday, 8 June 2013
For unknown reasons I was collecting carrots, although not in the normal manner.
I was walking uninvited into people's houses and conducting thorough searches of the entire property. Instead of looking in the obvious places such as the fridge or food cupboards, I searched everywhere.
The odd part was that no one complained or even questioned my actions.
Just before being rudely awoken by the alarm this morning for work I was standing in a public toilet with an old school friend called Paul who I haven't seen for over 35 years.
The place was completely tiled and stank of urine. In one corner a solid part of the wall looked different in colour and I took hold of the top of the wall and it started to peel off like paper.
As I removed it I heard the familiar sound of the alarm and I was immediately yanked from my dream and back into reality.
Friday, 7 June 2013
I began by being out in the countryside with my camera looking for wildlife. I also had a shotgun.
I then see friends of mine called Dan and Vicky who were out walking their small puppy. As I greeted them I saw a hippopotamus run at speed past me. I didn't know whether to grab my camera or my gun.
As I turned to Dan to see if he saw it too a baby hippo was sat posing for photos with his puppy and Dan was taking photos. When I say posing, the hippo and the puppy were giving cheesy grins and putting their heads together.
I grabbed my camera and started taking pictures but Dan kept getting in the way. The puppy then pulled a pistol from behind its back and put it against the hippos head, looking directly me the puppy smiled.
I was next climbing some concrete stairs and ahead of me was a teenage boy and he was pushing two girls and bullying them.
I got behind him and pushed him all the way to the top where I found a sweet shop. The boy went into the back of the shop as he appeared to work there. I told the shop owner that the boy was a bully and that I would work there to stop him from carrying on bullying anyone else.
The boy came out of the back and I shook his hand and said, "I'm Maximus, I'm watching you".
Thursday, 6 June 2013
Visually I was inside a huge concrete dome. No doors or windows and no way out. Despite this I wasn't concerned or frightened but just stood there looking up at the circular ceiling far above my head.
I was then at the rear of a large van that had its doors open wide, as I looked around me I saw Stuart, one of my supervisors from work.
Knowing Stuart to always be a loud and friendly person that's always joking around, I shouted out his surname as I always do when I see him.
Stuart said nothing and looked totally unhappy and his head down at the floor.
I called to him again and his face lifted and I could tell he was very ill.
I walked away from Stuart sad at what I'd seen and as I did I could hear the words to a song. 'Be free, to do what you want to do' echoed as I left Stuart standing by the van.
Wednesday, 5 June 2013
A very straight forward short dream from last night.
I was at the doctors and an old lady who had driven her car there stated she was too poorly to drive back home again.
Being the kind person that I am I offered her a lift home in my wardrobe.
It was an ordinary looking wardrobe but was able to travel through time and space.
The old lady was very grateful for her ride home and rather cheekily asked me to go and fetch her car from the doctors.
Thinking about it, it was rather a waste of a good opportunity. Given a vessel that can overcome the complexities of time travel, I don't think I'd be giving old ladies lifts home.
Tuesday, 4 June 2013
I began by lifting the front door to my house off its hidges to reveal the roots of a grape vine. I then set about cutting through the bottom of the vine with a hacksaw.
When I had finished I looked around to see that I was being watched by Richard Hammond. The second appearance from the top gear presenter in a week.
We then got into my car and drove around the A47 Eye Services roundabout in Peterborough. As we negotiated the roundabout, cars were stopped in the middle of the round, some were driving in the wrong direction and one van was reversing at us.
Darting in and out of the other vehicles I did well to avoid a crash and Richard commentated as if he was on Top Gear.
There was a missing section from being in the car to arriving at the service station and I just recall standing by my car without knowing how I got there.
I watched Richard as his hair transformed into a black permed style exactly like the now infamous Kevin Keegan look of the 1970's.
Then his co presenters James May and Jerermy Clarkson appeared, both also sporting the Keegan perm.
I watched as if seeing an episode of Top Gear as the three stood in an open topped car as it made its way through the streets of London.
The object of the episode was to see how many pub signs they could hit with their permed hair as they stood in the car.
Richard was complaining because he was of a clear height disadvantage being so small. No surprise but Jerermy won.
Monday, 3 June 2013
The BBC news presenter George Alagiah was the focal point of my nights visions.
I was watching him with my wife present the 6 O'Clock news with a female colleague sat next to him. They switched to a live report from a sports centre where a female sports reporter was sat on top of a round air conditioning duct some twenty feet above the basketball court.
Just as she finished her report she slipped backwards and landed on her backside in the floor, when the camera switched back to the studio George had tears rolling down his face and was howling with laughter.
He was laughing so much that he was unable to continue and the female carried on with the news as George slapped the desk and struggled to compose himself.
My wife and I then got up off the sofa and walked towards the TV, next thing I knew we were following George as he left the BBC.
We watched him walk up to a house and enter via the garage. We opened the garage door and entered a completely empty garage, there wasn't even a car in there.
George then appeared with who we assumed was his wife and we made comment on how tidy his garage was.
George replied that being a serious news presenter he had a very tidy and orderly life.
We both looked at him having seen his previous actions on the TV and he gave us a cheeky wink.
Sunday, 2 June 2013
My head is full of sounds and images from a constant stream of visions from the moment I closed my eyes last night. So much so that I've struggled to recall everything due to the huge volume of dreams, but here goes.
I was in my old apartment that I lived in when I first left home. It was full of people that I did not know and most were performing various card tricks and magic acts. It was late and I was going on a plane flight with my friend and work colleague Siobhan the next day.
She was trying to find a space somewhere on the floor for me to sleep but feeling left out from all the magic and tricks I decided I'd draw Donald Duck as I knew I was good at that.
I scribbled on a piece of paper and it was rubbish, I was very disappointed. Siobhan pointed to a gap on the floor between sleeping bodies and said, "We will have to top and tail".
Next I had lost my wife and was searching for her when I found a ginger haired female that looked vaguely familiar but I couldn't think how I knew her.
I then said to her that I knew I was asleep and that I was dreaming that I was asleep and dreaming talking to her. Effectively having a dream within a dream. She looked puzzled and walked away.
Lastly I was a small child again and I was sat on a sunny beach, I was aware that my mum was behind me but I was unable to move.
I called out for my mum scared as my body was numb and just my eyes moved. I asked my mum why I couldn't move and she told me I had cancer.
Suddenly a giant of a man dressed all in black with a tall hat on drifted across the sand towards me and my mum told me it was time for me to leave her.
As the eerie dark figure approached me I realised I was able to move and ran at him punching him in the stomach.
As a result of this he crumpled in half and began to shrink changing form until he was a fat little man naked and hairy, helpless on the beech.
Realising that I had defeated Death I walked up to him laying on the floor and laughed directly in his face. It felt good.
Saturday, 1 June 2013
Once again as is often the case the setting for my dream was my mums house.
Although the location was very familiar the people weren't and I recognised no one. I was franticly running around warning everyone that there was a huge flood coming and that if we didn't leave the house would be under water.
Despite my best efforts to rally everyone to get out I was ignored. I decided to leave and as I did I realised that they had all contracted legionaries disease. I couldn't see any physical difference in them, I just seemed to know.