Wednesday, 10 July 2013

Musical key and bearded intruder

I was in my mums house asleep in bed when I got the feeling I wasn't alone. I could see a figure in the darkened room and got up to see who it was. 
Stood before me was a short rotund man in a grey suit and he had an enormous grey bushy beard. 
My pogonophobia kicked in immediately and I shouted at him to get out. 

Grabbing hold of his arm I marched him down the stairs and towards the front door. The man laughed and told me that he had a spare key to the house. 
I made him hand over the key and as I threw him out I shouted that I'd be getting the locks changed. 
As he left a very somber looking ex work colleague called Mike walked into the hallway. Mike was followed by my good friend Matt who was smiling. 

I was next staying in a hotel and was in the process of checking out. 
At the reception I asked the man at the desk if he could copy a key for me as there was a key cutting machine on the counter. 
I pulled out the key I had taken from the bearded man and placed it into the machine. 

As I did this the lights dimmed, the reception desk spilt in two and moved apart and music began to play. 
The hotel staff started to sing and dance about cutting a key and I was sat in the audience watching the show. 

It was the shortest musical in history because as soon as it had began it finished with the staff walking out to take applause. One by one the maids, kitchen staff and receptionist took a bow. 
Lastly a woman dressed in a blue dress came out and bowed before the crowd and I saw that it was Margret Thatcher. 

Pogonophobia is an abnormal fear or dislike of beards. I have no idea where this fear manifested, maybe I was traumatised as a child. 

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