Friday, 22 February 2013

Porn mags & love hearts

I was at the entrance to the London Underground station, Becontree in Essex with a Sikh man.
We didn't have tickets and needed to get past the staff at the barrier. The Sikh man grabbed a handful of newspapers and magazines and two packets of Love Heart sweets from the little shop in the entrance.

He dropped a few coins on the counter, popped the sweets into my pocket, took hold of my arm and told me to walk onto the platform.
Once on the platform I was given some of the magazines and the Sikh man wandered off. I looked through the collection of glossy publications to find that they were all porn mags and that everyone on the platform was giving me disapproving looks.

I found myself in my mums bathroom, but how it was when I was a child. In the shower I was trying to wash my hair but the shampoo I was applying wouldn't lather up. I was talking to an imaginary friend, having a conversation about it when I discovered I was using conditioner instead of shampoo!

Finally I was interviewing three people for a job at my place of work. I had set them a task first and wouldn't let them progress any further if they failed it.
The test was to look at three objects and tell me which was the odd one out.
I'd made up bizarre connections with the objects and only one girl got through by guessing.

I took the successful candidate to the canteen who immediately told me she was going shopping for new shoes and there was nothing I could do about it.
There was, because I sacked her. Unlucky.


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