Friday, 30 November 2012

Naked pundit

I was in my Nan's kitchen rearranging the cupboard under her sink. Amongst the usual cleaning products and sponges was a tin full of last Christmas's sweets.
Foolishly I ate one and quickly spat it out coughing. Just as I was doing this the whole of my family arrived, aunts, uncles, cousins, the lot.
At the end of line of my relatives was TV football pundit Chris Kamara.
Chris was totally naked and covered in long dark body hair. Not a pleasant sight.

Next I'd parked outside a joke shop and wandered in looking around.
The shop assistant asked me if he could help and I informed him I needed a device to squirt shaving foam out of.
I walked out of the shop having purchased the top selling device according to the salesman.
An inflatable rat!


Thursday, 29 November 2012

Is this some kind of bust?

I appeared to be a road worker last night. Working in a very long tunnel resurfacing the Tarmac.
At one end of the tunnel, children kept walking in and stopping production.
I approached two giggling annoying kids, picked them off the floor by the scruff of the neck and proceeded to carry them out of the tunnel.
Once out I dropped them both into a wheelie bin.

The next scene was myself and my wife with a mattress each sleeping rough on the streets. When I say rough, we had quilts and pillows too.
Unfortunately we had chosen an alleyway between some houses to rest and were constantly disturbed by passers by.

I got up and entered a huge warehouse and started to tip toe peering around corners realising I was in a drug factory producing met amphet.
I called the police and waited, watching. I could see that everyone working there were female glamour models all in bikinis.

Armed police raided the place in TV style precision within minutes. I suspect in real life this to be somewhat bound by red tape. But hey it's a dream.



Wednesday, 28 November 2012

The eyes have it

As on many occasions I was at my mums house. This time in the back garden.
In the middle of the lawn was a red car and looking into next doors garden, they too had a car on the lawn.
Growing all over the roof of the red car were lots of Gladiola. As I looked at them, they started to droop.

I next entered the house of a neighbour called Yvonne. She had her grandson with her who was playing with a working model of a steam roller. I looked and smiled with fond memories as it was the exact same one I had as a child.

Lastly along with my wife we were walking in the street and it was very dark.
Struggling to see I turned a switch on the back of my head and my eyes lit up like torch lights shining a path ahead.
Despite my obvious super power my wife totally ignored it.


Tuesday, 27 November 2012

McDonalds shoes

Initially I was in a bar having arranged a double date for my work colleague Lefty and his friend who I didn't know.
I was telling then that I'd got them a couple of stunners and they were excited but had apprehensions too.
To calm their nerves I gave them both a mince pie.
Dreams being dreams, there was no conclusion and I didn't see their dates.

Next I was living in my father-in-laws convertible car. There was a lot of us crammed into it and I was complaining that my mattress had a hole in it.
He doesn't actually have a convertible, and I'm fairy sure he would let me sleep in it if he did.

Lastly I was in my mums bedroom getting dressed. As I did so an old lady entered and started to vacuum the floor.
I selected a pair of bright yellow shoes from the wardrobe and put them on. Across the toe of the shoe was a bright golden M in the familiar McDonalds style.
I carefully arranged them so they were the right way up and proudly walked out.

As I did the old lady purposely sucked up both the M's with her vacuum and smiled a sadistic smile.
Nasty woman!

Monday, 26 November 2012

Close shave

I had met a guy in the street. It was night time and he had a moustache.
I told him I was going to shave it off and he was in agreement.
I took a large hunting knife out of my pocket and proceeded to shave off his eyebrows. I took ages to remove them and when I'd finished I quickly ran off.

I was next hanging out the drivers door of a van as my work colleague Martin drove it. We reached a shopping centre and walking through it I scoop down and pick up a £10 note and quickly put it in my pocket.
Martin asks me what it was and not wishing to share it, I just say, "Nothing".


Sunday, 25 November 2012

Broom guitar

One if those occasions when my dream tells me I need the toilet last night.

I had come out of my house and a guy opened up a roller shutter where my neighbours front door normally is.
Inside where canoes staked up high. I walked past the door looking in and began to urinate against his car.
The guy came out and I just stepped aside whilst still urinating and continued to wee up the side of the house.
It was this point I actually woke needing the loo.

I was next in the back of a van with my wife that was being driven along the road. At the very back of the van was a metal cage that contained our work colleague who we call Danger.
Playing on the radio was 'Running in the family' by Level 42.
I picked up a broom and proceeded to play a kind of air guitar along to the music much to the dismay of Danger.

Lastly I'm in a field full of tents again with my wife. She is on her mobile phone asking someone if we can get into one of the tents. As she speaks, I pull back the corner of a tent and look inside.
There is another field within that is full of grazing cows.




Saturday, 24 November 2012

Roger more?

Just as I fell to sleep I had a horrible dream watching my dog get swept away in a fast flowing river. He struggled to swim but couldn't.
I was woken by my wife as I was shouting and really distraught. Bad times.

I was next in central London and was hanging around on a street corner waiting for someone but didn't know who.
Walking past me were two men. They stopped and said hello.
One was ex James Bond actor Roger Moore and the other was a younger Roger Moore as he looked when playing Bond.
They were holding hands and older Roger asked me what I was doing.
I didn't answer as I was slightly freaked out by the two men.

Lastly I was in a shop and a man with mad long curly ginger hair entered.
He lit a firework and I watched as it exploded in his face totally engulfing his hair in a mass of flames.

I then saw another man take off his clothes revealing that he was wearing a woman's black body stocking. It was lacy and tight fitting and showed all his curves.
As he started to pose around the shop in it, a saxophone began to play a sultry tune.
On closer inspection the man had a woman's body but the head of a man.
Slightly uncomfortable I watched on along with the now bald ex ginger haired man as he/she danced.



Friday, 23 November 2012

Cross dressing teddy bear

I was wearing roller skates and dressed in a teddy bears suit racing around a wooden floor. Someone was shouting encouragement at me but I couldn't see them. I got up quite a bit of speed for a teddy.

I was next at work in the office with one of our bosses, Dominic. He was on my case as I wasn't doing anything. I tried to avoid him by hiding under a bed with my wife.
For some reason we were both dressed in 1930's women's clothing.
We were both feeling slightly ill and my wife told me to make myself sick and handed me a bowl.
I was protesting that I hate being sick when I vomited into the bowl.

Finally again with my wife we arrive at a gated house and push a button and the gates open.
Inside our friend Mary comes up to us and we ask her for pizza.


Thursday, 22 November 2012

Escape from the giant octopus

Quite a busy night, starting off with me driving a transit van. I was having trouble seeing where I was going when I realised that I was actually sitting behind the drivers seat but still managing to reach the pedals and stealing wheel.

I'd dreamt that I'd made a note of the above using my nail to scratch onto a small ball. I hadn't and was momentarily perplexed until I worked it out.

Next I was watching three brothers run around in a huge warehouse. No idea why but one of the brothers was a giant ladybird.

I'd walked into a wooded area to find my friend Chrisy boy and his brother cutting wood. Beyond them some girls were playing badminton.

I next find myself along with my wife trapped in a skyscraper by a giant octopus that has its arms wrapped around the building and into the room we are in.
My wife opens a box and flys a remote control helicopter to send for help.
Also in the box is a reel of Sellotape which she proceeds to tape up the octopus's arms with.

The helicopter reaches a princess Diana lookalike who is on a swing on the balcony of her apartment. The swing lowers down several floors to ground level.
She starts to follow the helicopter and talks to the deceased Princess Di as she walks and says, "Don't worry I won't eat anything".
She reaches a diner and ignores the helicopter, entering she orders a fried Breakfast.

We must of escaped because next we are at the boarder with customs. Also with us are my parents and Normski from work. We each hand over a small pink suitcase on wheels.
Normski is the first to go through and returns shortly after saying they found lots of alcohol in his case.
We are all confident that we will get through as we know we don't have any.

Looking up at my dad, he is pacing up and down looking very nervous.
I eye him suspiciously, "Dad?"


Wednesday, 21 November 2012

How to evict a naked midget

There seemed to be a work theme last night, I began by fitting a huge steel frame structure with another man. This was made all the more difficult as we were working in thick mud.

I was then delivering hot cooked roast dinners. I attended a house and the family were excited about going on holiday. The mother was somewhat flirty with me much to the embarrassment of her children.

Next I was converting my mums house, fitting new windows and an extension out the back into a garage.
A knock at the door revealed a work colleague I affectionately call numb nuts.
Numb nuts asked for a cup of tea and informed me I had squatters in the garage.
Running in the garage I discovered two midget men who were naked.
Not caring for their lack of attire myself and Numb nuts forcibly throw them into the street.

Lastly I was in my mums living room playing a board game with my wife and my step Son, my step Son was eight years old and drinking beer from a silver tankard. He was very drunk.
We all decide to go to the off licence to buy more drink, I walk out of the house carrying a full size stereo.
My wife doesn't understand why I haven't got my i pod and explains the pitfalls of my oversized music player.

We arrive at the off licence and my stereo has transformed into a rotary clothes dryer. The off licence has no alcohol and only sells road traffic cones?


Tuesday, 20 November 2012

Exploding curry

I started and ended in a school.
Craig from work was a teacher on an open evening and was approached by a very irate parent who was unhappy that her child had been obtaining drugs at school.

Craig was standing shadow boxing on the spot and had a plaster over each eye.
The parent was becoming angry at Craig not taking her seriously. He stopped boxing, picked a plastic yoghurt pot off of a light switch and offered it to the parent.

I next found myself at my old apartment in Essex which was a first floor flat.
It was nicely decorated and a guy was living there. He was unhappy that the area was so rough now that he was afraid to go out.
As I walked down the stairs I noticed a huge fridge freezer on the landing.

I was lastly back in a school talking to a very fat weather presenter. I was saying to him that his job must be very boring but he explained that it was easy and allowed him lots of time for his favourite past time of eating.
Tom from work entered and was carrying a huge pot of curry. He said for me to go into the main hall as there was lots of food. He placed the pot next to the weather man and it exploded.

I entered the big hall which had hundreds of people sat at tables eating curry. I appeared to know everyone. I saw both my sisters and my friend Jo.
As I walked around looking at everyone, the bowls and pots of curry on the tables were exploding.
No one seemed to notice but me.


Monday, 19 November 2012

Rapping CD rack

I began by wandering and searching the park area at the end of my mums street that I played in for many hours as a child.
There was no one else around and after a long fruitless search, I returned to my mums house.

I found my mum caring for my dad, normally when I dream of him, he is well and his old self before his illness. Last night he was as he was prior to his death and this filled me with sorrow. He couldn't even find the strength to look up at me.

In vast contrast I was next at the huge mansion of a rap artist who was just moving in.
He was building a metal CD rack for all his music but it was a very bodged effort.
He had glued it together and painted it black. In respect to the house it was like having something from a rubbish tip in a palace. It looked terrible.
As he painted dressed in lots of bling, trendy clothes and sunglasses he rapped along to some music.


Sunday, 18 November 2012

Banana chilli crisps

Too start with our ginger cat called Bear came and sat on my head purring. This could have actually happened apart from the fact he was shut out of the room and then turned into a fetching hat.
I became annoyed at him and brushed him off.

Next my wife and I were watching TV. The program set in a boys children's home had TV presenter Matt Baker doing the Voice over.
Our friend Andy was cooking eggs for the boys breakfast but three of them refused to eat them. One wanted bananas, one wanted chillies and the third wanted a packet of crisps.
The three rebel boys were then running through a supermarket when the above three ingredients were thrown and hit them all on the back of their heads simultaneously. As this happened the film froze the picture.

The next shot was of the outside of the shop window with three posters advertising bananas, chillies and crisps.
They moved and merged together and Matt Baker said, "And so was this was how the creation of Banana chilli crisps came about".



Saturday, 17 November 2012

Get off my land!

After a solid day time sleep I have awoken after a productive dream.
I was with my wife and we had purchased a modest size house with a huge amount of land. My wife was extremely happy as we had many acres of land and she was able to keep horses.

Next I was in a large office building that had a high security level, every door required an electronic pass to gain access.
As I walked through each level I noticed my older sister sadly looking in through a window as her access didn't allow her as far as I had got.

I got right to the top floor which was a vast field contained inside the building with had the sky painted on the ceiling.
Each section of the field had been made into a small farm.
Mine had glass walls and a black plastic lid. It was empty inside and needed a lot of work. I set about tending the land.
The other surrounding plots were far more advanced and had crops and animals on them.



Friday, 16 November 2012

Instant coffee?

The feeling of falling in your dream is fairly common. As I nodded off last night, I felt it. Mainly because I had fallen out of an aeroplane and was swimming in the sky!
A quick poke from my wife and all was good.

I wasn't woken up in time for a day shift and was almost three hours late for work. I didn't have my trousers ironed and proceeded to do this in the garden.
After trying to get them on over my boots I eventually arrived very late walking straight into one of my old bosses called Wilf.

Wilf was very grumpy and told me to go into his office and make him a coffee then come and find him.
A simple task made very difficult in that his desk was a revolving carousel with plastic cups and a kettle at the centre if it.

Firstly I couldn't find a clean cup, then everything kept falling off as the desk spun around.
I poured a sachet of coffee into a cup only to discover it was brown sauce. Then I put one in that said coffee on it and that was cheese and crackers!

I was becoming ever more frustrated and aware that I was taking an age to complete a simple task.
Finally, in a dirty plastic cup half full of a brown liquid that vaguely resembled coffee I left the office in search of Wilf.

He'd gone! Arrrrg!


Thursday, 15 November 2012

Dude where's my car?

Rather oddly, as this would never happen in real life, I was taking part in a running race.
It was partly across country and would end where it started by a residential house. I had parked my car in the street and was running back towards it.
Every time I saw somebody approaching I hid in bushes until they had passed.

Eventually I reached the house and a boy was having a temper tantrum because he didn't win. I wandered off to my car only to find it wasn't where I'd left it.
I walked further into the housing estate and became very aware that it was run down and gangs of youths were watching me as I searched.
After a while I decided for my own safety I'd forget about my car and leave.

I woke up at this point, went to the toilet and then back in sleep mode I was dreaming that I was in a bedsit completely naked watching TV.
A female MP was being interviewed and she looked at the camera and said, "I have your car Maximus".
Somewhat alarmed I rushed to get dressed to go to her location, opening a draw I found it devoid of clothes apart from a pair of swimming trunks.

Running along the street in my trunks got a few looks I can tell you.



Wednesday, 14 November 2012

Caravan demolition

I make notes during the night about the various aspects of my dreams. This helps as one part of the recall process.
Last night I only made the one note, the other two occasions I made the conscious decision to turn over and carry on sleeping thus losing any memory of them.
The one dream I do recall seems to have been influenced by a TV programme I was watching just before bed.

I was watching the dream rather than being in it. A short fat little bald man was standing at the entrance to a caravan park. He was holding a large wooden mallet.
As he stood there he was shouting in the style of a circus ringmaster.
"Roll up roll up, smash a caravan today". He waved the mallet in the air as he shouted.

The TV programme was called George Clarke's small spaces. In the programme he is converting an old 1970's caravan.

Tuesday, 13 November 2012

Watching my money grow

Running around an underground train station in full camouflage gear armed to the teeth, I was some kind of assassin or mercenary.
As I jumped from train to train I was aware that huge floods of water were pouring into the tunnels and filling the carriages behind me.
Just managing to leap onto a train with the water rushing at my feet, a hand grabs mine and pulls me aboard. As this happens I grab a sniper rifle lent against the door.
When I look at my fellow passengers they are all dressed like me.

Lastly just prior to waking I had been given a 10p coin as payment for something and looked at the coin unhappily in my palm.
As I starred down the coin transformed into a tiny pink pig and winked at me.
It then jumped out of my hand onto the floor and started increasing in size.
Finally it was the size of a full grown pig and was filled with money.
Happy with that.

Monday, 12 November 2012

Stand up Bob

Three parts to last nights dreaming. Starting off I was rearranging my bedroom furniture and could hear a muffled talking from behind the wardrobe.
Upon pulling out the item I discovered Bob Monkhouse was there performing a comedy standup routine.
He had a microphone on a stand and seemed happy to have been released from the dusty confines of the wardrobe.

I was next with my dad heading towards the home of a well known writer who's name was Fred. Dad told me that Fred had written the famous film called 27 Women, but I had not heard of it.
We found Fred living in a garden shed, looking like a tramp. He stated that he was attempting to write a follow up film but was suffering from writers block.

Lastly I was at an old school building at night and found my friend Lou hiding in one of the offices in her dressing gown.
I was just asking her what she was doing when my friend Gary Potter arrived and told me I was now working for him and to stop talking to Lou.

Unhappy at this I explained that I wanted my own office but Gary told me that there was no room for me and I'd have to work outside. I was very unhappy with this.


Sunday, 11 November 2012

Cinderella camps it up

I walked for miles in a tunnel that passed under a river, it was dark and damp.
When I reached the end, I ascended hundreds of stairs that finally brought me out into a nightclub.
The club was shut and devoid of people so I decided to walk down a different set of stairs to leave.

As I descended, each level brought me to a different bar in the club. The bars were full of men fighting and smashing chairs. I kept walking until I reached the bottom where I found a man trapped under a door. He was flat like a cartoon.

I next found myself on a camp site and Cinderella, who was the cartoon version, had forgotten her tent. She complained that she had a sore throat too. Improvising she puffed out her dress, sunk her head inside and it became a tent. Clever.

I was finally on a cruise ship but appeared to be a girl! I'd lost my brother and spent hours and hours searching for him.
There were vast rooms each containing hundreds of people and I wandered lost and alone.

I entered a gift shop were I bumped into Russell an old work colleague from over 20 years ago.
I handed him a small plaque which had 'To Grandma' inscribed on it.
He didn't look impressed.



Saturday, 10 November 2012

Mirror in the bathroom

Rather a scary dream for me as I'd gone into the bathroom and upon glancing at my reflection in the mirror, noticed that my normally neat clean shaven appearance had been replaced.

Staring back was a full bearded version of me complete with long greasy hair too!
Freaking at the sight of myself as a beardy weirdy sent me into a panic. I attempted to shave off the facial nasty but my razor couldn't cope with the challenge of so much hair

Calling out for help as my anxiety increased, my dad came into the the room and told me to calm down.
Dad then took a set of electric clippers and carefully removed the hairy nasty.
More relaxed now I was able to get into the shower and rid myself of any remaining facial fungus and long hair.

My dad remained as I showered and his calming relaxed encouragement helped me calm just as it had always done when he was alive.

The fear of beards is known as Pogomophobia, and it can occur for many reasons. Some people fear beards because they feel hair on the face is unclean. Others are put off by the rugged look that beards give to men. Whatever the reason, this phobia can strike any gender or age group.
You have been warned!

Friday, 9 November 2012

Fight night

I was in a tiny pub that was the size of normal living room and was packed full of drinkers.
It was in this cozy environment that two of the patrons decided to settle their argument about whether or not leather dungarees on men were fashionable by having a fist fight.

I decided to leave just as the one in the brown leather dungarees was knocked out by the winner of the argument.

I was then walking along a road in the Essex town of Dagenham and noticed all the footpaths had huge holes in them. A family of four were franticly attempting to fill the holes with concrete.
Across the road I saw two lads having a fight. I ran over to intervene at the same time that Siobhan and Emily arrived to do the same.
Every time we pulled them apart, they attempted to punch one and other again. Eventually we sent them their separate ways.

Lastly I had infiltrated a drug den in the hope to bust a trafficking ring.
I sat nervously waiting for the police to raid the house as two men with guns sat watching me.

I woke this morning still waiting, unaware if I was saved or shot.



Thursday, 8 November 2012

Gary Lineker & the Temple of Essex

I was sitting on a roller coaster ride with my hands in the air shouting with excitement. This unfortunately was also happening as I slept, reported this morning by my wife who was disturbed by my shouts.

The carriage was going backwards and I was aware that I had died and no one could see me. A line of people on top of the track looked on at an empty ride.
All except retired football legend, Gary Lineker who waved at me.
I reached the bottom of the ride and jumped out and back to life again.

I next go into my mums back garden because she told me there are hundreds of birds flocking there.
At the end of garden I find the treasury temple from Petra which is an eminence building from around 312 BC.
Normally found in Jordan, it looked slightly out of place in an Essex estate but was certainly a talking point.

I was lastly asked by a policeman to keep my eye on two lads in a car that he had detained whilst he looked at something else out of my sight.
I couldn't see what the cop was doing and I wanted to investigate but knew I couldn't leave the lads.
I overcame this dilemma by banging both their heads in the car bonnet knocking them unconscious.

The officer was far from impressed with this and told me to go away. I still didn't see what he was doing either!

You may know the Treasury building better from the movie, Indiana Jones and the last crusade from 1989.

Wednesday, 7 November 2012

Elvis really is dead.

I started off by gathering in a large hall at work. There was a stage and I waited with everyone else for an expected boring meeting.
I was pleasantly surprised that we were being treated to a come back concert by Elvis Presley.
The excitement passed very quickly when Elvis, clearly rusty from not performing for over 30 years, was booed off stage.

I went into the bathroom and saw Neil one of my supervisors who was urinating into the bath. He seemed to have no issues with me being present and continued whilst saying how bad Elvis had been. I noticed that Neil was urinating over his own leg! I looked on in horror as Neil said, 'That Elvis is rubbish man'.

Next I was wandering through a wooded area with a digital camera looking for wildlife to photograph.
As I walked the camera started talking. It sounded as if it was a two way radio so I pushed a button and said, 'Hello?'
The camera replied, 'Why are you talking to a camera?'

Confused by this I looked up to see a group of mini camels which were the size of a Roe dear. The camels had no legs and just glided along the floor as if on wheels.
I walked out of the wood and into a shopping centre. I got on an escalator and promptly fell off over the side.



Tuesday, 6 November 2012

Dead dog?

I found myself on a narrow boat. There was a scenes of crime officer who was examining two dead bodies.
A male was laying on top of a female in an embrace with no visible injuries but the crime investigator was saying it was murder.
As they explained to me what they thought had happened the males leg started twitching and kicking out.
The man stood up, transformed into a Greyhound with three legs and ran off.

I gave chase across my mums neighbours gardens and onto the street. I saw a woman and grabbed her thinking that the dog had disguised itself and marched her back to the boat.

Next I was working on a building site and my job was to remove everything painted blue from one room and put it in rubbish bins.
I was asked to go into the office and see the architect. Walking into the room I see that my work colleague Tom is sat at a drawing easel.
He is singing and looking very smart in a suit.
When I look at the drawing, it is a vastly coloured child like painting, there are crayons, glue and glitter smudged all over it.

Tom's face and hands are covered in paints and as he happily makes a mess. Bless him.

Monday, 5 November 2012

What a rip off!

Firstly I had somehow ended up with a child. He was about 10 years old and smelt like a tramp. He lived in a house that was in total squalor and the smell was really eye watering.
The boy who claimed to be my Son was refusing to go school.

I looked outside to see other children playing on a building site. They were rolling over a huge metal skip which had other children inside it. One was screaming that he wanted out but it continued rolling until it hit a parked car in the road and they all run off. Laughing.

I was then with a friend called Suki and together we were going into a huge posh London restaurant to work.
A very angry man walked into the staff room to complain about his food.
Suki politely explained that we hadn't started work as of yet but the man was really rude and continued shouting.

I walked up to him, took hold of his face and peeled all the skin off his face as if removing a very tight fitting mask.
I then threw it at his feet and told him to get out.

Sometimes the more direct approach is required.



Sunday, 4 November 2012

Horse with no name

I was in my car and attempting to drive along a riverbank. The water had got so high that the river had burst its banks and my car was sinking.
I reversed out onto the road, as I did so a small Chinese boy on a BMX bike rode past me and waved.

Next I had decided to break into a shop at night. The shop as I approached it looked as if someone had already smashed the glass in the door.
I carefully open the door and entered just as the shop owner appeared from the back of the store. He was actor Dermot Crowley who is currently in TV's Hunted. Well he was, a poison dart in the neck marked his exit from the show.

He cheerfully welcomed me believing me to be there to repair the damaged door and hurried off leaving me alone.
I say alone, the door kept opening and my two cats closely chased by my dog, ran in and out playing.

I found a USB turntable which was able to convert old records onto a hard drive. There was an LP on it and I carefully placed the needle at the start.
It played the 1972 hit, 'Horse with no name', by the group America.

Dermot Crowley (born March 19, 1947 in Cork, Ireland) is an Irish stage, film and television actor.


Saturday, 3 November 2012

Pie & chips, give me a sign.

I was working on a building site and had been asked to install all the air conditioning.
Only problem with this was that as I walked from the top of the building, the floors were being pumped with wet cement. I ran faster and faster to reach the bottom as the cement ran behind me.

I was next in a car driving with a work colleague Matt as my passenger.
I was convincing Matt to have a massive fried breakfast and we stopped at a cafe with two old women running it.
Matt was unsure about the breakfast as it was £17.50. One of the women offered Pie & Chips for £5 and we both excepted although not an ideal breakfast meal.

Lastly my wife took me to meet her departed nan, I was introduced and it was apparent that she was deaf but my wife had never mentioned this.
One if her cousins was there trying to instruct me in the basics of sign language.

Much to everyone's surprise, including my own I started to converse with her in sign. No idea I knew it!

Friday, 2 November 2012

Piano materclass

I haven't spoken to my wife to confirm this yet but when she came in from work in the small hours, she was dressed as little red riding hood.
I can recall asking her why she was wearing this attire for bed, but she told me she wasn't.
Taking into consideration all the factors, I'm fairly sure I was dreaming this.

I was driving a transit van and parked it in the path of someone's house with the bonnet of the vehicle up against the front door.
A teenage girl came out of the address and asked for a lift home as her father was being horrible to her. I dropped her off and left.

Returning to her house in the early hours of the morning I walked into the living room and saw a piano.
I began to play like a professional. Performing a medley of tunes from classical to pop.

The impromptu concert woke the girl who entered the living room and turned on the light.
As I looked down at the piano I noticed it had collapsed and was a mass of splintered wood and keys.

I just looked up at the girl and said, 'oops'.

Thursday, 1 November 2012

Fly on the wall

I began my adventure by chatting with my dad, proudly telling him that I had reached the final of a darts competition and was off to find my friend who I was competing against.

I end up in a factory trying to locate him and discover that it is a blood testing centre.
A very old man with white hair hands we a plastic pot and asks me for a sample of my blood. He then starts to perform yoga on the floor.
Confused I urinate into the pot and hand it back sniggering to myself and leave before he opens it.

I then find myself watching TV. It's an entertainment programme and involves a group of flies singing.
The flies one of which has the head of the late Ronnie Barker, are all in a group on a wall and singing, 'we are misers'.

A group of flies are called a swarm or cloud. Not sure what a cloud of singing ones are called?




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