Tuesday, 31 January 2012

Eastenders massacre

For anyone unfamiliar with Eastenders, it is a soap opera that blights the otherwise credible reputation of the BBC. A dismal portrayal of life in the East End of London full of moaning fictional characters that have the most unprecedented run of bad luck known to man.
It is in this back drop that I enter waving a handgun, calmly walking around the set and expertly shooting the characters in the head one by one thus putting a premature end to their woeful existence.
Clearly this behaviour attracts attention and I soon have to make my escape but not before executing at least 10 of them.
I run off set and jump back into the real world finding myself with Richy from work. We are at the rear of a house in the garden looking for someone we think is in the house.
We are about to smash the back door in when I notice the key on the outside, I open it and Richy goes in but I go back to the front just in time to see someone running out the door into the street and away.
School boy error, always cover front and back doors. Doh.

Monday, 30 January 2012

Fire in the hole!

A brief encounter from last night. I am driving to a work colleague called Andy to visit him at his house. On the way I turn a corner in my car and see a badly parked lorry that's almost blocking the road, I just manage to get past moaning and cursing as I squeeze by.
Arriving at Andy's house he informs me that he can smell burning from the back room. I investigate by opening a small hatch in the floor. As I do this flames leap up out of the floor. The walls of this room suddenly have lots of pairs of eyes embedded into the wallpaper. They blink at the flames and I spring into action by producing a large hose that shoots liquid foam into the fiery hollow.
The fire is extinguished and Andy is very grateful.

Sunday, 29 January 2012

Dead girl panic alarm

I was sitting in a vast control centre full of screens, hundreds of buttons and people resemblant of ground control at Nasa.
I took a break and went outside to the car park and saw Adam from work and a man i know to be a solicitor. Suddenly Adam starts to run off and the solicitor attempts to go after him. I tell him not to panic as nothing is happening as I was in control. I calmly go back to my desk to find every red light flashing on my screen indicating an emergency at the hospital.
I run to the hospital passing a bemused solicitor on my way and arrive at a scene of total carnage.
The corridors of the hospital are covered in blood and staff and patients are running in blind panic.
I approach a doctor who is trying to help two children who are clearly both dead. I tell him to give up and get out, as I do this one of the dead girls eyes opens and she gives me an eerie stare.
I run off and find my wife who has an eye injury, the white part of her eye is blood red. She is screaming at hospital staff to stop panicking and help people.
I awoke at this point and didn't get to find out what had happened.
Not sure I really wanted to know anyway.

Saturday, 28 January 2012

A little love for a ginger child?

You may have recently seen a TV advert for a margarine with a ginger haired girl on an old man's shoulders.
The song from that advert is playing in my head today which was entitled, Put a little love in your heart. This was performed by American singer, Jackie Deshannon in 1968.
In my dream I was that small red haired girl and the old man was walking through a field carrying me. I was looking at various small wooden tables with lamps on them that were randomly placed in the field.
I then noticed my car stuck in a muddy field too. All this to the sound of Jackie singing away.
I'm not too upset that I was a girl, but ginger?!

Friday, 27 January 2012

Sliced sausage & shiny floor

For some unknown reason I had decided that it would be a great idea to slice my penis up like a cooked sausage.
This of course was a terrible idea as I then had to put it back together again. I visited an old style hardware store that had a man in a brown coat behind the counter. I explained my predicament to the man who said he had just the thing and sold me a tub of penis cream for £12.10.
Along with a free tube to hold the slices of chopped man member in place whilst the cream glued everything in together, I left happy that I was fixed.
I am next in Ilford which is situated in Essex. I need to get home but needed a bus and then a train. The whole city centre is in the process of being re paved and roads were closed, diversions in place and it was chaotic.
The pavements were all coated in a shiny reflective substance and everyone was wearing sunglasses as it was too bright.
I head to the bus station but find no buses are running due to road closures.
Warning. Please do not attempt to slice intimate parts of your anatomy, this was done under controlled dream conditions and would result in serious consequences should it be carried out whilst awake. Definitely do not try this at home!

Thursday, 26 January 2012

Black & white diva, onions & Jr Doctor

Last night was set to the sound of REM singing losing my religion.
I attend along with my wife and friend Lee-Ann the house of a work colleague called Lorney.
Lorney along with her mother are delighted to see me dressed in a smart suit, tie and a long scarf. In the corner of the room is another work colleague, old man Geoff.
Geoff has a sore throat and can hardy speak, he explains that he lives here now as he was staying with our supervisor, Derek but Derek was too loud and Geoff needed some peace.
Next I am actor Stephen Tomlinson and I am at a film studio as agent to 1930s child star, Shirley Temple.
The director points out to me that I have a stain on my suit and then says that Shirley is being a diva demanding pickled onions and jam.
I tell the director she is not having them and she starts to act her scene. Oddly she is in black and white whilst all around her is in colour.
I'm next at home and decide to break into my neighbours house while she is out. I climb around the rear of her property and smash a window. When inside I find photos of my neighbour of 30 years ago and also find she has a pink sofa.
I try and steal the pink sofa but can't get it out of the window. I abandon the plan and leave.
Finally I'm a Jr Doctor in a busy hospital. I'm seeing a 55 year old man who is complaining of heart pains.
My suggestion for him is to get a dog and go on long walks, to which he is somewhat bemused.

Wednesday, 25 January 2012

Violent spouse & frozen spatula

Let me begin with the song I woke up to today. Yes Sir I Can Boogie, the 1977 one hit wonder from Spanish duo, Baccara.
I'm firstly visiting my wife who has landed herself in police custody for punching her boss. Shame really as Gordon is a lovely man and didn't deserve the black eye he was sporting when I saw him.
I leave the police station having failed to persuade them to release my spouse and head off for an exercise class at my former school.
As I walk all the streets are becoming frozen and I am holding a spatula, it starts to make sounds of ice forming at a rapid rate and I look at it to witness it freezing before my eyes.
The cracking of ice as it takes a grip of my kitchen utensil fascinates me and I watch as it becomes engulfed in an arctic tomb. The final part of it is frozen, the sound stops and the end of it falls off!
As part of my recall of dreams I often wake, make a note on my phone for reference and drift off again. I was doing this last night but again as previously was writing with pen on paper thinking I'd recorded my dream. I woke realising that I'd dreamt I'd written them and thought I'd not written anything. But I had!
I do have a spare spatula by the way.

Tuesday, 24 January 2012

London taxi & river rescue

As soon as I fell to sleep last night I was woken by my wife almost immediately as I was shouting.
The reason for this was that I was crawling along some air conditioning duct in a building site, a vocation of mine some 30 years ago. There was a man ahead of me and he was frightened to turn the corner saying there was someone there going to kill him.
I told him not to be stupid and he crawled a bit further and was promptly stabbed in the head several times. I just said "sorry about that", pulled out a pistol and fired shots into the assailants head shouting as I did so.
After a rib nudge from my spouse I continued to dream.
I am with an Asian girl and her little brother discussing how to use her dads taxi to drive to London. The little brother passes me £5 and an empty envelope. The girl and I head off into a school assembly, the head teacher arrives and it is my wife's mother. We leave are are walking in the underground scene from Modern Warfare 3.
We reach my mums house and upon entering my old bedroom my mum exits it having just cleaned. We look down on the floor and we have left muddy footprints on the carpet. Mum then sets about hoovering it up but her vacuum stops working. On the wall is a poster advertising trips to Lithuania.
We go downstairs into the kitchen and the girls dad and little brother are there and the dad just says 'I know about you two', the little brother has a guilty look and slips out if the room.
Finally I am walking along the riverside with my dog when I see a boat drifting off out of control and a man has fallen overboard, his head the only thing visible above the water.
I shout out for help, instantly making the decision I'm not going in the water.
A St Johns ambulance worker appears and plucks him from his watery predicament.
The hero rescuer is being praised by all around and I just wander off happy that I haven't got wet.
I walk over a bridge where a woman has her suitcase on a rope that has entangled in the steps. I untie it for her and she offers me her hand and introduces herself as Mary. I just look at her and say, "Hi, I'm Maximus".
I walk off with her suitcase.

Monday, 23 January 2012

Rocky Road bitch fight

This mainly takes place in my works canteen during a busy day shift. The canteen has been replaced by a house and lots of people are packed into it having a break.
I am sitting with a huge slab of Rocky Road cake along with Derek and Sonia, they are both eyeing up my cake and I eventually offer them some as I can't stand their wide eyed pleading looks.
Sitting across from us is James, he looks angry and is staring arms crossed at us enjoying the cake.
An old lady enters the room and sits slightly across from James and intently glares at him, this makes him even more annoyed and he gets up and puts his feet into to the spinning brush of an electric shoe shine. He is wearing the same fluffy pink slippers that I was wearing in the previous nights dream.
Suddenly Az enters the room and grabs James around the chest and pulls him from the shoe shine, next ensues what can only be described as a cat fight with both men slapping and pushing each other shouting 'bitch' and 'you brute'.
It's a very unsightly and undignified scene from two so called professional men. I walk outside to avoid becoming involved in the embarrassing carnage leaving my Rocky Road to be devoured by Sonia and Derek.
Outside is a service station, with a shop, petrol pumps and large car park. I find my wife in our car and we drive out immediately having our path blocked by a grazing horse.
My wife suggests we go back inside but I persuade her that watching a horse is a preferable option.

Sunday, 22 January 2012

Time traveling rabbit & fluffy slippers

I seem to have mastered the art of time travel last night, I was in a small block of flats with a rabbit, along with its hutch after taking us both through space and time to a week previous.
I am explaining to my friend Chris what I have achieved and he appears less than convinced. I have no equipment, flashing lasers or fancy gadgets, it's just me and a rabbit. I'm not totally sure myself and fail to back up my claim to Chris.
Next I am at my mums house and I'm arranging for my nan to leave after a visit. I go upstairs to fetch her suitcase, it is pink, on wheels and has side pockets that contain bottles of wine.
I see a taxi pull up outside and my work colleague Siobhan helps my nan into the car. We both spend several minutes attempting to tell the non English speaking driver the destination and he drives off before I have finished explaining.
I run up the street waving my arms and protesting towards the driver before realising that I am wearing my wife's fluffy slippers!
I got up at this point and went to the toilet, upon my return to bed I was informed by wife that I said the word, Tinsel as I drifted back to sleep?

Saturday, 21 January 2012

Come on feel the minstrel

After a very heavy, deep sleep my only memory is myself standing in a large barn conversion singing along to the 1973 classic from Slade, Come on feel the noise.
Not particularly unusual other than I was dressed as a minstrel. A minstrel from the old BBC show, The Black and White Minstrel show.
In the show which ran from 1958 to 1978, people would sing popular music hall songs dressed in elaborate costumes with their faces panted black.
I have a faint memory of the show from my childhood, but I'm fairly sure they didn't cover 1970s glam rock songs.

Friday, 20 January 2012

Victorian smell-o-vision

I laid in my bed last night thinking I was awake as I could smell a muscle spray, it's a very strong odour and unmistakeable. The door to my en suite opened and I thought it was my wife coming into the bedroom but it was a guy called John that I worked with about 10 years ago and haven't seen since.
John said he was in the adjoining room, which on inspection wasn't my en suite but another bedroom. I asked John if he had any muscle spray on and he did. I explained that I could smell it while I was asleep.
I go back to bed and find that a couple of young children dressed in Victorian costumes are hiding under the quilt. My wife is awake now, the bedroom door opens and a procession of Victorian women surrounds our bed.
They call the children out and take them away with them, I look over at my wife who is sound asleep, the adjoining room is now my en suite again and the muscle rub odour has gone.
I think I was awake at this point, but who knows?

Thursday, 19 January 2012

Welcome to the church of fun

Last night I am at my parents house having Christmas dinner. My dad has long since departed so it's always nice to see him in my dreams.
As we chat and enjoy our festive meal, my dad tells me about an old historic church that I should visit. It has a tunnel in the floor that was used for hiding during times of war.
I set off excited with my camera to capture it on film to return and show my dad.
When I arrive I find that the church has been surrounded by a holiday complex and there are chalets everywhere. I bump into Trinny from work who owns the holiday village, he shows me the way to the church and tells me I'm allowed in for free as he knows me.
Once inside I set about assembling the flash to my camera, whilst doing so I notice a couple from Manchester having a domestic argument.
I ignore them and continue with my task. The man leaves and the woman approaches me and tells me that her husband won't let her go home with him and starts to cry.
All heart I just shrug my shoulders and go into the hatch that leads to the tunnel.
In total darkness I try and take some photos but the batteries are dead in the flash! I climb back out and see two old ladies.
The ladies ask me what's down the hatch and I tell them a ghost and leave chuckling to myself.
From what I did see in the darkness it wasn't all that, I wouldn't recommend a visit.

Wednesday, 18 January 2012

Bimbo boss, man of gold & dog sheep

A brief dream that involves me heading to Scotland for a works conference. All the big wigs are there and as we are all seated in rows facing a podium, someone shouts, 'attention'. We all stand as the top big wig enters the room. I look round and a blonde bimbo struts in giggling and flirting with all the men, blowing kisses. She is dressed in pink.
I leave and enter a cafe where on a table is my broken remote control helicopter that my in laws bought me last year.
I next find myself out in the countryside with my dog. I see a small yellow man called Mark sitting in a bush. Mark is about 3 inches tall and has a flat body, he is a novelty book mark, hence his name. I say out loud, 'Mark'!
I take Mark out of the bush and notice he unscrews in the middle, something he has never done before. I remove his upper body to discover he is filled with gold dust. I put Mark back together and head home happy.
I then notice my dog is running as fast as he can across a field being chased by a sheep. The sheep is running faster than I've ever seen one run before but he is still no match for my boy. As I watch I notice the sheep transform into a small Border Collie.
I call my dog who follows me home with our treasure filled yellow man.

Tuesday, 17 January 2012

Spanish puzzle & school of death

Last night started with me in Spain with my friend Timmy, we were on bicycles heading to a fish and chip shop. Once arrived at said chip shop, I started to open a box full of parts for a camera. I opened all the parts and started to assemble it, but found no actual body for it. All I had was some lenses, a few nuts and bolts and a pair of sunglasses, one of which had a clear lens.
Next I find myself along with my wife in an old school that is derelict. We are standing along a wall with other people that we don't know when Derek, a supervisor from my work enters holding a shot gun.
Derek starts to shoot everyone until just myself and my wife are left standing. He smiles and tells us to come with him, saying we likes us so won't kill us.
As we are leaving I see a group of men placing dead animal carcasses around, there are cows and sheep but their bodies are very decomposed.
Looking out of a window I watch a car driving at speed up and down the road performing hand brake turns. The car spins and the back end smashes into a wall and bursts into flames. I watch laughing as a man and woman franticly attempt to get free from the burning car.
I continue laughing out loud as they smash the front windscreen and climb out screaming, both with their hair ablaze.
It really isn't big or clever to show off in your car.

Monday, 16 January 2012

Cross dressing, painted train and pooh

A busy night but here goes.
I start by attending a party at my nan's old house, the theme of the party is cross dressing and I am in women's clothing with high heels and make up. Everyone has an action man figure that is dressed as a woman. Mine is dressed identically to my cousin Dawn who is also present at the party. Everyone has made the effort and are really enjoying the party until a work colleague, Lorney turns up and she isn't dressed up. She goes around talking to everyone but just annoys us all because of her lack of participation.
Next I'm on the London underground with my wife at Mile End station, waiting for a connecting Central Line train. As it pulls into the platform it has been brightly painted from top to bottom and resembles a multi coloured tube.
A woman standing next to us has a metal ring hanging from her head and gets clipped on a pole that is under the train, she hangs on the undercarriage preparing for the ride.
We get on and it's so packed with people that I'm starring at three women almost nose to nose. One of them has a runny snotty nose and I do my best to avoid getting covered by her nasal dribble.
Finally I'm at my friends house, Chris has invited me over and I tell him I need the toilet. He directs me to the upstairs bedroom and tells me it's beyond that room. I enter the bedroom and open another door believing it to be the toilet.
I can't see anything obvious that resembles a toilet so I proceed to take a dump on the dressing table.
As I finish I think to myself that maybe on reflection that wasn't a great idea.
I go downstairs, make my excuses and leave.
I guess I'll not be invited back!

Sunday, 15 January 2012

He can play!

Only the one scene from last night, it involves an extremely large gathering of various people, one of which was myself.
I was in some kind of large room and everyone was just generally wandering about and there was a buzz of chatter and movement.
Slightly raised on a stage was a large grand piano and a stool. I notice one of the crowd as Neil a colleague from work. He slowly made his way up the couple of steps and sat himself at the piano.
Suddenly Neil starts to play, starting with a blues number, his playing grabs the attention of the crowd, who all stop and listen.
Neil then goes onto various other styles of music, Jazz, Rhythm and Blues and Rock n Roll. Each time building the crowd into a state of excitement.
The dream just kept going on with Neil playing and receiving rapturous applause from the crowd.
I have no idea if Neil can play, but he is such a showman I think he should take it up.

Saturday, 14 January 2012

Ant baby, Orient Express and police brutality

Ok a mixed bag from last night starting with me losing my dog in the darkness of the cold night. My wife and I were totally despondent and crying. A happy ending in that at first light I see him trotting happily along the street towards my mums house and we are reunited.
I next attend a village church for a service, but can't get access into the place as all doors are locked. I finally find a door around the back to get in and as I open it and enter the entire congregation falls silent and turns to look at me. The vicar shouts out 'Be gone'!
I turn and run and find two women outside standing by a pram, a baby is laying on the floor and is covered in swarming ants. The women seem fascinated by this and do nothing to help the infant.
I'm next attempting to board a train but not any train, I have a return ticket for the World famous Orient Express.
I'm on the platform and glance down at my ticket which I notice has the return journey date as Wednesday, today being Saturday.
I go into an office and a really friendly man offers to show me the bus stop out in the street to help me get home as I'm a few days early for my train trip.
As we enter the street there is a major police presence and they suddenly surround the bus stop encircling a man on a motorbike. The cops start punching and kicking the man and he tries to drive off. He only gets a short distance before being knocked off his bike and the cops swarm on him just as the ants had previously covered the baby.
The man with me looks on unconcerned and just says, 'it's ok they are allowed to do that'


Friday, 13 January 2012

I cant do it if your watching!

In a lot of dreams I am using the toilet or going somewhere I shouldn't be, this coincides with me actually needing the toilet when I'm asleep and it transposes into my dream.
I enter a public house that also has a small shop inside it. I enter the toilets and find that the cleaning lady is inside so I enter a cubicle. The toilet basin is very old and has a wooden seat.
I attempt to go about my business when the door opens and the pub landlady is there and she places a towel over my head. Both her and the cleaner are then watching me.
This disturbs me somewhat, causing me to urinate over my trousers.
I leave unfinished and go to a fridge where I select a bottle of vodka for my sisters birthday present. As I open the door to leave I pull the handle off and hand it to the landlady with an apologetic glance.
As I leave the pub I am in a small market town close to where I live and my whole family are sitting on chairs in the middle of the town surrounded by market stalls.
They are eating fish and chips, I attempt to sit down with them but there are no seats left.
I leave disgruntled with a bottle of vodka and damp trousers. I attract some disapproving looks.
Bad times.

Thursday, 12 January 2012

I need a hero and a Blackberry

Ok I wake up to the following:-

Duu-duu-duu-duu...
Duu-duu-duu-duu...
Duu-duu-duu-duu...
Aaa-aaaa

It's the start of I need a Hero by Bonnie Tyler, the next part being:-

Where have all the good men gone
And where are all the gods
Where’s the street-wise Hercules
To fight the rising odds

Despite this my dream was simple but confusing.
I am laying in bed with Bonnie singing away and my wife has got up and I am checking our Blackberrys for messages. I look over and my wife is asleep next to me, another look up and I can see her in the bedroom.
Some confusion then ensues as I look between dream wife and actual wife who is asleep next to me.
I then wake up for real as my wife is really getting out of bed. I think.

Wednesday, 11 January 2012

My girl with bamboo

The original 1964 version of My Girl by the Temptations is echoing around my head this morning.
A rude awaking by an alarm today has somewhat hampered the precise details of my sleeping activity, much to say that I was in a shop looking for a Jack Russell.
I am making my way through dense amounts of bamboo, not something you expect to find growing in a shop. I can see the connection with the Jack Russell as I have one, but the bamboo is a little odd.
Incidentally My Girl was co written by Smokey Robinson about his wife and became the Temptations first US number one.

Tuesday, 10 January 2012

I love it when a shopping centre comes together

A very detailed adventure from last night, in that it was a very well planned precise military operation.
Headed by actor George Peppard in the style of Hannibal from the A team and with myself as his number one, we embarked on a mission.
We both start by being outside of a large wired fence that holds what looks like a prison. There is a large twisted tree that has branches hanging over the fence. I climb up the tree and drop with a roll into the grounds followed by Hannibal. I look up as hundreds of helicopters hover and soldiers descend on ropes. Thousands of us crawl and hide behind other trees and wait for the signal from our leader to move on to the entrance.
We move towards the doors which as we approach are electric glass doors and have a metal shutter on the inside. After the precision ascent of trained personnel and stealth approach to the entrance undetected for the element of surprise, I ring the door bell!
Hannibal glares at me and I then push a button that raises the shutter and we all charge in shouting.
Once inside we find ourselves in a shopping centre full of unimpressed women in stalls and shops.
Undeterred by our apparent misjudgement, we then decide that as we have gone to so much effort we will claim the shopping centre as a new independent state and celebrate by throwing items from the shops at each other and firing our guns into the air.

Monday, 9 January 2012

Sky diving bus driver & late night cleaner

I begin by chatting to a friend at work called Lorna who is explaining how she isn't going to do any work as she is feeling lazy.
I leave her and suddenly find myself falling from the sky, free falling as a sky diver. I land in the street having not deployed my parachute. I am remarkably unhurt.
I then climb into the drivers cabin of an old style London red bus and proceed to smash into everything in my path as I can't actually drive a bus.
After causing total carnage I leave and go home.
It is the early hours of the morning and I am franticly cleaning the house. The TV and light are on in the living room as I clean the bathroom.
I am berating myself that the sink isn't up to my high standards when the sound from the TV stops. I look into the living room to see that it's off and the light has been switched off too. I know that someone is there as the light is still on where I am.
I slowly and tentatively start to edge into the room expecting to find an unwanted guest. As my head firstly peers into the room with eyes bulging wide I spook myself imagining all sorts of horrors and begin to scream. My wife shakes me and I awake with her in the bed having hold of me once again as I disturb her sleep.

Sunday, 8 January 2012

Pie shop, loose skin & toilet roll

I start by being a passenger in a Volvo driving at speed with my colleague James.
I point out to him the amount of rubbish dumped at the side of the road and stop when we see our other colleague, Adam walking along the pavement.
For no apparent reason Adam tells us he used to be a hairdresser. This provokes much amusement and we drive off pointing and laughing at him abandoning him along with the rubbish.
We go into a pie shop in Essex, close to my mums house and I order a plate of creamy mash potato, James on the other hand orders everything on the menu and has it topped with baked beans.
I leave James and get into the car and immediately notice that the skin on my arms is creamy white. I rub them and my skin starts to peel off, a passing woman helps me by pulling off all the skin on my arms and I'm left with just bone.
Next I am entering a large house with my wife, I am once again as in previous dreams, carrying an upright Hoover. A couple from work, Liam and Claire are showing us around, they too have a Hoover but a smaller one. They are not a couple really but are for the purpose of my dream.
I am next picked up to be taken to work in a large van, already in the van is Simon who I used to work on the same team with and haven't seen in ages. Simon doesn't speak but just waves a chocolate spread sandwich at me. I declined his offer.
I spend a night at work sleeping in a dark room and I leave to be picked up again by the van, I walk over some stairs that crosses over a railway line and hear my work colleague little Keith shouting my name. I look over to the other side of the rail line to see him waving a toilet roll at me.
When I cross over the van is there and little Keith and Simon are on board. Once again Simon waves his chocolate sandwich at me and once again I decline.
I then find myself on a date with an unknown female who has taken me to a fish restaurant. I am really angry and I get up and leave in disgust.
I hate fish and I hate chocolate sandwiches!

Saturday, 7 January 2012

Jack Russell Tiger & cheesy goldfish

A couple of out of body experiences during the course of last night.
Firstly as I drifted off my wife was reading and I could feel her grabbing my hand and tickling me. I could see myself laying in bed and attempted to move but was frozen and couldn't speak. After what seemed ages I bolted upright pulling myself out of my semi conscious state, shouting as I did and alarming my wife who was still reading and had not moved since I fell asleep.
Back off to sleep and I am running around the house attempting to catch my Jack Russell who is being playful, a small boy is also trying to assist me in catching him. We run into the garden where puppy has transformed into a fully grown Bengal Tiger. It is at this point I decide that I no longer wish to apprehend the puppy and go back inside.
Once inside I see my father in law who is eating toast. He offers me some and then proceeds to sprinkle cheese into the fish tank and apologises that I can't have cheese on my toast as its for the goldfish.
I then notice my wife laying beside me in bed and she is sobbing and very upset. I comfort her and tell her everything will be ok.
I ask her why was she crying and she informs me that she wasn't. Between me seeing her cry and asking her this I have awoken and engaged in conversation with her.
All very odd.

Friday, 6 January 2012

And she was...........

The main problem with having an interrupted sleep is that it hampers the recall process for the finer details.
This week has been consistent in that I have had songs playing out the whole time I was asleep and wake to them.
Today it was the Talking Heads song, And she was.
The only memory of my dream prior to once again having an excited puppy wake me was that I was wandering from pub to pub in search of something.
Not sure of what I was after finding but I basically never found it.
I'm just wondering how the song was playing as I haven't heard it for years. I'm guessing it just floats out of one of the many storage compartments within my head. I think that the door to these storage rooms all open when asleep, mixing everything together.
Just a thought.

Thursday, 5 January 2012

Downton Abbey and horse snow globe

California dreaming, the brilliant song from the Mamas and Papas entertains me during my slumber.
Visually I start by being in a house where an unknown man has just finished plastering a wall.
I inform him that a boy has deliberately put a hole in his wet plaster and that he needs to re plaster. The man seems unconcerned by this and insists that it will only take a few minutes to rectify.
Next I attend the grand manor house from the period drama, Downton Abbey.
I'm sitting down to lunch with the cast members, an unknown female and her chubby teenage daughter.
Lord Grantham is telling us about the history of the manor and shows us a horse snow globe which he informs us is worth a lot of money. As he tells us this the chubby girl looks interested and I guess from her expression that she intends to steal it.
I awake at this point humming California Dreaming.

Wednesday, 4 January 2012

If you cant give me love, I wont dream

Well I've seen you before on that discotheque floor
You were driving me out of my mind
But I could have swore that I saw something more in your eyes
Although you were surrounded by beauty unbounded
Your glance was intended for me
And though I tried to hide it I found myself looking to see you
So then you took your chances, you made your advances
Your touch took my breath away
But when you said hello, are you ready to go
Well I had just one thing to say
If you can't give me love honey, that aint enough
Let me go look for somebody else
If you can't give me feelings with old fashioned meanings
You're just in love with yourself
If you can't give me love(Love)If you can't give me love(Love)
If you can't give me love(Love)If you can't give me love(Love)
If you can't give me love(Love)

Ah that timeless classic from Suiz Quatro. The above was playing over in my head the entire time I slept. I did not recall any dream, such was the depth of my sleep. Any chance I had of remembering my dream as I woke was abruptly ended by having an 8 month old Jack Russell lick my face!


Tuesday, 3 January 2012

Dirty washing & Zulu handyman

The first part of my dream involves me spending new years eve in a police cell with a guy I have never met. I spend the entire night with one eye open, not trusting him.
I'm then running towards a house I used to own, I'm fat and have to stop as I'm too unfit to be engaging in any form of physical exercise.
As I enter the house it has changed beyond any recognition and I find myself in the rear garden. It has a farm tractor parked in it, a fish pond and a wooden structure that is incomplete.
A very tall Zulu warrior approaches me and says he is the handyman. I look at the fish pond and half of it is empty with a large hole in the bottom of it. Zulu warrior explains that my work colleague Kyle built the pond and I then seem to understand as he isn't known for his pond construction skills. I suggest a pond liner and Zulu man jumps on the tractor and drives off to get one.
I go into the house which resembles a hotel, there I find my Son's ex girlfriend Debbie who is heavily pregnant by a black male that is with her.
Debbie asks me to remove some dirty washing that has been left by another work colleague called Matt.
I'm struggling to understand why she now owns my house as I didn't sell it to her, let alone why Matts dirty washing is there. I look at a large TV in the kitchen, under it is a dog bed containing a small mixed raced child with a large Afro hair style. He looks sad.
I'm unaware as to the outcome of this dream. I was woken at one point by my wife as she was disturbed by my shouting and frantic arm waving.
It may have been my sleep running, who knows, a swift jab in the ribs from my spouse put a stop to it.

Monday, 2 January 2012

Shopping dilemma & 1980s mud shower

I start by being in a shop and notice as the good citizen that I am, a man about to leave the shop attempting to steal the contents of his basket.
I alert the store owner who promptly removes the man. I offer to put the items back and do so but can't find where the orange carton goes. I then place it on a random shelf, knowing that this normally really annoys me when I go shopping. I hate the people that decide they no longer want an item or find a better one and instead of returning it to where it came from, dump it on the shelf where they stand.
I argue with myself for a while, one side of me attempting to justify my actions and the other side berating my bad self. In the end I just leave.
Next I'm in the shower at my mums house. As I wash large lumps of mud drop onto my head from the top of the ceiling and as fast as I'm washing, I'm getting dirty again.
I dry and dress myself after giving up attempting to get clean. I open the door into the hallway to find a long line of people queuing for the bathroom.
Each one of them is dressed as various 1980's pop stars, there is an abundance of big hair and make-up as they each pay tribute to Boy George, Adam Ant and Duran Duran.
I see one girl and notice a large spider trying to make its way out of her hair, I remove it and the girl starts screaming, which in turn has a domino effect and everyone runs panicked from my mums house.
I did live at my mums in the 1980's but I never had big hair. Honest.

Sunday, 1 January 2012

Train bugs, urinals and hot gossip

I spent my dream on a train carriage overseeing the conversion of the compartments into accommodation. This was happening overnight and the rooms needed to be completed by morning in time for breakfast.
The train was stationary and each room was being completed by a different tradesman.
In one room on top of the toilet pan were several plastic boxes containing spiders, bugs and very small plants.
The main room had a sofa bed, a fridge and a urinal in the corner with a flat screen TV directly above it, thus allowing the occupant to pee and not miss a second of their favourite programme.
Morning approached and franticly the final details were being finely tuned in the rooms. A work colleague called Mary had spent the night in one of the rooms and waved goodbye to me as she walked to her car. Unfortunately she had forgotten to dress fully and was in her bra, much to the amusement of the workmen.
A group of teenage girls arrived, one of which was my niece Amy. They are all gossiping about the previous night and about the scandalous behaviour of one of their friends.
I go to the reception of what appears to be a hotel and a really fat man introduces himself as Dave the head chef. He points to a table set for breakfast and asks where everyone else is.
I return to the rooms to find that all the people have vanished and the train carriage is back as just that, a train carriage.
There's no sign that any work has taken place?

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