Sunday, 9 March 2014
It was a bright sunny day and I was riding my bike through the countryside.
Only difference was that I was completely naked. I headed towards a town with a light breeze cooling my nakedness.
As I rode into a crowded town centre, no one took any notice of me. I knocked on the door to a shop and a forigen woman opened it and told me it was a Bed and Breakfast.
I decided not to stay there and went back to my bike which I had left next to a group of other cycles.
To my annoyance, the bike was gone and I stood there, naked and lost.
Saturday, 8 March 2014
I had entered a top floor flat of work colleagues, Zip and Scott, who have just got married. Congrats guys.
Zip showed me into the living room which had a balcony overlooking fields below.
Scott was outside trying to adjust the tv aerial. We watched as he swung onto the aerial like he was pole dancing and held his body out horizontally over the edge.
Suddenly from behind the sofa, appeared work supervisor, Goldie. He shouted out, "Stop that, it's against health and safety rules!"
I left the flat and when I reached the ground floor I was in a garage and my car was there. The mechanic asked me to reverse it into a bay.
As I backed in I knocked over a gas cylinder.
From behind a stack of tyres jumped out Goldie again. He wagged his finger at me and shouted, "Health and safety!"
Friday, 7 March 2014
To the tune of, 'Can you feel the force', the 1979 hit from The Real Thing. I was wandering around market stalls in a town centre.
I'd seen an old re run of Top of the Pops the previous night which featured the group with big hair and flares.
I was with my wife, the person I dream of more than any other, we were going to all the food stalls looking for the best sausage sandwich.
Everytime I suggested some, my wife said they weren't good enough.
Finally I reached a stall that I couldn't see clearly as the display table was higher than my head.
I gripped the table and pulled myself up and could just see a few sandwiches in front of my eyes. A sales woman peered over and down at me and said, "What can I get you?"
Taking a leap of faith, I just asked for two sausage sandwiches and hoped that the filling was up to standard.
I unfortunately woke before getting a chance to try them.
Now what shall I have for breakfast?
Thursday, 6 March 2014
I usually make a few notes on an app during the night as prompts about my dreams. Last night I was writing for ages in great detail about my dream and thought to myself that I really should get some sleep.
When I woke this morning, the app was blank, I dreamt that I was writing it! Fortunately I remember the dream as it was somewhat odd.
I was showing a group of strangers around my house. They were there to see my sofas, of which I have three in various rooms. At each sofa I gave a detailed account of the date of purchase, the story behind why I bought it and other amusing facts.
The group lapped it up as I moved them around the house in true tour guide fashion.
Wednesday, 5 March 2014
I was in the luxury mansion of Pop star George Michael. Walking around in wonder at the splendor of his house I was very impressed.
I got to a patio window and as I slided the door open, I saw the back of George sitting at a table outside. He was looking out over rolling countryside with a river at the bottom. It looked idealic.
I walked past George and out onto a small roof top. It wasn't until I glanced back that I saw that it wasn't George but my Dad. Then at my feet was the unmistakable flash of vibraint blue of a Kingfisher.
I waved my hand to call my dad over to see the bird but he just looked at me as if to say, 'I can't leave here'.
The kingfisher sat at my feet, not bothered by my presence. The whole scene was one of calm and peace.
Tuesday, 4 March 2014
With my wife looking on in amazement, I had tied four people to long peices of string. I then sat them onto a surf board and lifted them above my head.
Running at speed with the board held high, I approached the edge of a cliff. As I reached the edge, I launched them off, plummeting them towards the crashing sea below.
Just before they hit the waves, a gush of air lifted the surf board up throwing the four people into the air. Holding the ends of the string attached to them, I then flew them all in a synchronised human kite display.
Swooping and flying through the air, my kites glided on the thermals. My wife was very impressed.
Monday, 3 March 2014
I was chasing a sheep through the streets of my home town. Every time I got close, it gave me the slip. It eventually got its neck caught up on a fence and I went in to grab it.
Just as I took hold of it, the sheep bolted leaving the head behind and it continued running. The head then sprouted legs and started running around.
I was now chasing a headless sheep and a head on legs. I shouted after the head, calling out, "Come here Fuzz Ball". I couldn't catch them.
Lastly my mother in law was driving me around a town I didn't recognise. She was talking to me and I looked up and saw that cars were flashing their headlights and moving out of the way as they drove towards us.
I saw the No Entry signs and that she had driven down a one way street the wrong way.
Sunday, 2 March 2014
Starting off at my Nan's old house, I was sleeping in the spare room, it used to be called the box room. Probably because you couldn't fit much more that that in there.
I got up in the night and checked the other bedrooms to find them empty. I wandered downstairs and found four naked men asleep on the living room floor.
I was next walking around the corridors of my old school in Essex. There were lots of adult men dressed in black roll necked jumpers and leather jackets.
As I walked past them, they all shock my hand and greated me in Russain.
Then Spooner from work was walking along side of me. He told me that everyone was part of the Russian mafia and I had been accepted as one of them.
When I looked at my clothing, I too was dressed in a leather jacket and roll necked jumper.
Saturday, 1 March 2014
I was telling my wife about a man at work who fell off a motorbike and broke his leg. She then left the house to drive into town.
I heard a car horn outside and looked to see an ambulance with the driver beckoning me to go out to her.
I fumbled for my slippers and ran out.
I opened the passenger door of the ambulance to find three female paramedics inside. They told me my wife had broken her leg.
I was confused and said I told her about that before she left. I was worried that she had smashed her new car up but they told me she did it walking.
Friday, 28 February 2014
To the background music of Tom Jones singing, 'Green grass of home', I was sat at my living room window, waving.
Not at anything or anyone in particular, just random arm waving with a huge grin on my face. I looked a little simple. As if the more complex issues in life wouldn't be a concern to me.
Green grass of home is about a man about to be executed for murder.
Thursday, 27 February 2014
I thought I was laying awake in bed chatting to my wife. We were gossiping about various people at work and generally catching up on the days events.
I turned over to have a drink and noticed it was 03.45. I looked back at my wife who was sound asleep.
I was rudely awoken by my alarm this morning. In my head was the song Mystify, by INXS.
Wednesday, 26 February 2014
I was with my with my work colleauge Rich and he had taken a man to the police station who he had found with a Stanley knife.
We went into a room and found our other work mate, Matt who was folding some paper on a desk. Upon closer inspection, he had made the sheet of paper into a bat, with flapping wings. He waved it around like a child with a toy aeroplane.
The man with the knife was locked up and Rich went off home. As I was about to leave, a police officer asked me where the knife was as it was needed as evidence.
I searched the police station from top to bottom but couldn't find it anywhere. The police were very unhappy.