Tuesday, 31 March 2015

Rip off plumber

I was in a very messy house, it wasn't a house I knew. There was a plumber in the bathroom fitting a new sink and a female I didn't know in the bedroom. 
The plumber said that it was an easy job and would take him long. 

Whilst he was working, the female started to tidy up a pile of clothes on the bedroom floor. She found an I phone under the clothes and a cheque made out for £100 to her. The cheque was written by my wife and the female said it was for cleaning the house. 

The plumber then said he hadn't been paid by my wife and I replied, "She's stitched me up there, how much was she paying you?" The plumber clearly saw an opportunity to rip me off and said, "£1,000" 
I was very sceptical of this and started to write him a cheque. 

The plumber, ever switched on to not missing out on money, shouted, "Ah cash only man". 


Monday, 30 March 2015

Richard Attenborough & the time travelling pensioner

Initially I was in a room with husband and wife team, Gareth and Leeza. Gareth was looking over my shoulder as I worked at a computer, he was offering friendly advice but Leeza was shaking her head at him. His words of wisdom were fine and I had no issue with his help but Leeza wasn't happy for some reason. 

As Gareth spoke, his voice tone changed and he sounded like someone else. I recognised the voice but couldn't put my finger on where I'd heard it. I turned around to see that Gareth had changed into actor Richard Attenborough. Then I noticed that Leeza had turned into a woman dressed in 1930's style clothing. 

The changed Leeza then started to show me around the office and tell me where everything was, Richard followed and asked the woman formerly known as Leeza why she was helping me. She replied that she was a free spirit and did as she pleased. 

I then watched out of a window as Leeza followed by Richard, walked off up the street. I noticed the cars and shops all dated from the 1930's too. As I watched the woman, she changed into a 90 year old and was dressed in an all in one red leather suit. The street and cars also changed into modern day. 

Richard Attenborough had vanished and as the woman walked along the street, she raised her arm and with her middle finger up, flicked the bird.  


Sunday, 29 March 2015

Underwater challenge

Despite various suggestions as to what I may be dreaming last night, following a lively dinner party, my dream centred around a huge glass tank the size of a swimming pool. 
The tank was full of water and had a long table running its entire length. On top of the table was a metal cable about a foot in diameter, there were various obstacles the cable ran over, such as live electrical plugs and switches. 

I was wearing full diving gear, including oxygen, wet suit and flippers. I was holding a pair of metal tin snips that are generally for cutting sheet metal. My challenge from a large audience was to swim under water the whole length of the tank, cut the cable in a straight line and avoid being electrocuted. 

For what seemed like my entire nights sleep, I was slowly working my way along the tank carefully cutting the cable open. I could hear the sound of my breathing through the diving equipment and the bubbles rising to the surface. 

I completed the task just as I woke up and popped my head above water to the sound of applause. 


Saturday, 28 March 2015

Nose poke

Along with my wife, we had both been moved by our employer to work at a different office in the city centre. We both sat at a desk and I was moaning that I didn't want to work there. My wife as ever tried to get me to see the positive side of it. 

I then noticed there were no telephones, printers or computers. I started shouting that I couldn't work under these conditions, my wife instead of trying to calm me, agreed and we both walked out in protest. 

I was next at work again and had been sent out to try and locate a man that we needed to talk to. I was given an address of 39b but couldn't recall the street name. I arrived at the address and I phoned the office and said, "Where abouts does this idiot live?" They replied it was in the basement. 

I decended the stairs to a house and was met by lots of people all walking past me in the corridor. I was trying to get through them and they kept poking me in the nose. I tried to brush them off but they kept poking my nose. 

I opened my eyes to see my wife's smiling face as she was poking my nose. She's a bugger. 


Friday, 27 March 2015

Cocaine pensioner

I was at my mums house in her kitchen and I was chatting to her when I noticed a package on the worktop. When I asked her what it was she said it was cocaine and that she selling it. I was somewhat alarmed at my mothers behaviour and questioned why she was doing it. 

She soon persuaded me that it was a very profitable venture, she explained that she had made £120,000 in a week selling it and that she wasn't going to stop. Fair play mum. 

I was next walking down a lovely pedestrianised street, the sun was out and it was a lovely day. My dad pulled up in a white van and said he had found a dog. The dog was a white staffie and he had it in the back of the van. 


Thursday, 26 March 2015

You are awful

I kept seeing myself dressed in women's clothing, I was catching sight in mirrors of my attire, every time I did I had different clothes on. I looked like a cross between Dick Emery in drag and an old lady. 

I started to laugh as I thought of Dick Emery when he was dressed as a female and hitting men with a handbag. I then started to try and impersonate him. I was rubbish but I found it amusing. 


Wednesday, 25 March 2015

Water torture

One of those dreams where I'm still partly awake, I could sense the room around me and almost visualise it, despite having my eyes shut. 

I could also hear a slow repeated knocking sound too, it happened at regular intervals and was similar to a dripping of water. 

I then heard my dog rolling around on the floor and thought it must be time to get up. I opened my eyes and the sound of the dog and the dripping stopped. 

The dog was sound asleep under the covers and it was only 04.30. I closed my eyes again and could instantly hear the knocking sound again. 

I opened my eyes once again and it stopped abruptly once more. The dog was on the floor this time and it was 05.50. Odd. 


Tuesday, 24 March 2015


I dreampt that I was wearing metal gauntlets, like the ones worn by Knights in armour. My hands felt heavy and I couldn't feel my fingers at all. 

I attempted to scratch my thigh, my brain sent the signal to my left hand and I'm sure it was doing as requested but I had no touch sensation in either my hand or leg. 

I then held both of my metal covered hand up before my face, which is the point where I woke up. My hands were before me, not in gauntlets and both were completly numb. 


Monday, 23 March 2015

New Yorker

Very upsetting last night in that my wife had been sent to New York by her employer, this wasn't overly upsetting but the fact that I rang her and asked her when she was home was. 

Everytime I asked her when she'd be home, she avoided the question and there were long silences on the phone. I continued to ask my wife the same question which she continued to avoid. 

In the end I became very upset at the prospect that she wasn't coming back.  Fortunately, the chances of her being sent there are non exsistant and I'm 100% confident that she would never go anywhere without me.  


Sunday, 22 March 2015

DIY dismembering & the Arab Prince

I started off the night by being in a car as a passenger with a man I didn't know. He drove into a workshop and told the man there that he needed his boots repaired. He took them off his feet and handed them to the guy. 

Both had holes in the bottom of them and were fit for the bin really but the guy said he'd repair them. I went to get back into the car but it had vanished, the man I'd arrived with was sitting in mid air as if he was in the car but it was invisible. 

The guy returned with his boots and he had put rubber car tyres on the bottom of them. He explained they should last a while but would require replacing when they had worn down. 

I was next in my dads garden shed, the shed still remains at my mums house but is just for storage. My dad had it as a workshop when he was alive. I was trying to make some space so that I could tidy all of his tools. Before I could do this I needed to cut up a dead body. 

The body I couldn't recognise as it didn't have a head, was laying on the work bench. I cut it up using a hacksaw and a small hatchet. One all the parts were in a manageable size, I placed them into a box and popped it under the workbench. I then set about tidying the tools. 

Lastly I was in a cinema and sat in a private box which I had all to myself. This was short lived as friend and work colleague, Leeza arrived. She was looking after an Arab Prince and his entourage, this completely filled all the seats and it was very cramped. 

This didn't stop me falling asleep at a very boring film. I rested my head on the Princes shoulder as Leeza was talking to him. He didn't seem impressed. 


Saturday, 21 March 2015

Mystery writer

I had a busy night dreaming and spent a considerable time writing it all down in great detail. I did think that I might be tired having spent so much time writing but woke surprisingly refreshed. 

The reason for this being that I didn't actually write anything down, my dream was that I was writing things down!  


Friday, 20 March 2015

Timmy's mansion

My good friend and work colleague, Timmy featured last night, I had arrived at his house and found that it had been replaced with a huge mansion. It had massive high walks and security gates, he had certainly gone up in the world. 

I walked towards the gates and noticed a horrible smell, to the right of the gates was a huge pile of human pooh. I then noticed a load of caravan parked outside of Timmy's wall. I went inside abscess greeted by a very unhappy Timmy, he was very upset about the smell. 

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