Friday, 22 May 2015

Response one

I was walking down the side of a house to get access into the rear garden. I don't think it was my house but I was sure that I needed to get in the back garden. 

As I got half way along the side passage I saw that my route was blocked by a line of riot police in full kit. As I got nearer, they bunched up forming a human wall. 

I walked into the first police officer and couldn't push my way through. He lifted his visa and said, 'Response one reporting, no way through sir'. 

I saw that it was Rich from work and I laughed at him and said that I'm getting past. I tried to walk on butt he other officers bunched up more and stopped me, there was no way I was getting by. Rich just looked at me and said, 'Sorry dude, no can do'. The policemen laughed. 


Thursday, 21 May 2015

Junk yard house

I was sat in the middle of a huge room that was full of rubbish, it looked like a junk yard. Piled high above me on on four sides were heeps of old car parts, wood and general brick a brac. 

I couldn't see ceiling or the walls, I stood up and started weaving my way out through the junk. I eventually got to a door and when I squeezed through it I found that I had left my living room and entered my kitchen. The junk yard was actually my house.  


Wednesday, 20 May 2015

Harrods & horse poop

Along with my wife we were in Harrods in London, it was Christmas and my wife was buying Thortons chocolate Easter bunnies. As she looked along the shelves, a man in a suit appeared and told me there was more stock below. 

The man then pulled up a secret door hidden in the floor and ushered down some very narrow stairs. As I decended, I felt very closed in and was surprised to find my wife already in the room. She was still looking at chocolate Easter bunnies. 

I entered a narrow doorway and found myself in a huge underground Screwfix warehouse. It was vast but the floor space was about three feet deep in water. I then noticed that one of the men working there was Andy from work, we was showing my wife something on a TV screen. 

As I approached I saw that I was holding my PS3 controller, I waded through the water and reached where they were looking at the TV. On the screen was a ps4 game and they both had controllers. I wanted to join in but I had the wrong controller and so I just threw it into the water. 

Lastly I was at my nan's old house where I was born, I was in the garden, which was very long. In the middle of the lawn was a massive pile of horse pooh and I started running around the edges of it. I was talking to someone but couldn't see them, so I may have been just chatting to myself. 

Either way I didn't notice that I had run into the horse pooh and was spreading it all over the garden. I was totally covered in poop and absolutely stank. When I stopped I saw that every inch of the lawn was covered in horse pooh. 


Tuesday, 19 May 2015

The hairy springer

I was in a room, it was somewhere I didn't know and I was totally naked and laying on my back looking up at the ceiling. After a while I got up but my view remained from where I was laying and I watched myself stand up. 

I was firstly squatting and so my butt was very close to my face, not an angle I've ever seen of myself before. As I stood up Further I noticed that my butt and back were totally covered in hair, so think was the hair, that it resembled a gorillas. The rest of my body was completly hairless and smooth. 

As I lay looking at the uncomfortable sight before me, I just wanted to put a shirt on to cover the hair before anyone saw me. As I panicked that I might get spotted, a giant spring shot out of my feet and catapulted me through the ceiling. 

I was still looking up from my vertical position and see my naked self flying high up to not the night sky and out of sight. 


Monday, 18 May 2015

Keyboard fart

I was at work, the room was full of people but the two people I recognised were Matt and Spooner. Unusually for Spooner, he was silent and had his head into some paperwork. 

Matt called me over as he wanted to show me something important on the computer. I approached him and he then demonstrated that by pressing the shift key and the hashtag key simultaneously on the keyboard, the computer made the sound of a fart. Brilliant. 

Next I was in a room that looked like a call centre, the desks were all pushed up against each other but had those partitions that you could still see over. 

I could hear a females voice from the other side of the partition in front of me. She was swearing down the phone, clearly someone was annoying her and she wasn't holding back. 

I popped my head around to see work colleague Dinky, her face was red with rage and she slammed the phone down in anger. I asked she was ok, she calmly replied, "I am now thanks". 



Sunday, 17 May 2015

Early start

I woke up so early this morning that I don't even recall dreaming. I'm sure I did but I have no memory of anything. 

I fell asleep and then it felt like I woke up instantly. Can't grumble at that, nice toget an  undisturbed keep now and again. 


Saturday, 16 May 2015

Secret garden

I was standing before a huge old oak door set into a long stone wall. I stood looking at this door for what seemed hours, before actually reaching out and turning the heavy metal handle that opened it. 

As the mighty wooden door pushed away from me, a vast garden was spread before me as far as I could see. There was a mass of bright colours, trees, bushes and bright flowers. 
I didn't move, I didn't seem able to and for hours again, I stood looking into the garden. 


Friday, 15 May 2015

Mr Bean's murderous mission

Bit of a murder theme last night, beginning with me being followed by serial killer Dexter. He was dressed in his kill clothes and was leading a horse, he had that look in his eyes and I didn't want to be on his table. I kept walking. 

I was then watching Rowan Atkinson as Mr Bean, Mr Bean was talking with a man and seemed slightly annoyed by his presence. Calmly, Mr Bean picked up a kitchen knife that was completely purple. I saw that it was the one from my kitchen draw. He then thrust it into the chest of the man, killing him instantly. 

As the lifeless body of the man dropped to the floor, I watched as Bean hid the corpse inside a wall and carefully placed fake book fronts over it to conceal it. He cleaned the knife of blood and then snapped it in two. The broken pieces were hidden in a fake book cover and placed in the wall. 

Just as Bean was about to walk away he looked up and saw a CCTV camera pointing at him. He gave a charctistic goofy wave at the camera and walked away.  


Thursday, 14 May 2015

Where's Nora?

I was sat in the drivers seat of a car, it was dark and I was in a street. Various people approached my window and just as I thought they were going to talk to me, they popped their head into the back of the car and then looked at me disappointed. 

Everyone did the same and each one asked the same question, "Where's Nora?"  Nora our adorable 6 month old Bassett and everyone seems to love her. Clearly, as they didn't want to talk to me after they discovered she wasn't in the car. 

I was then taking a young lad into a secure unit, the perimeter had very high fencing with barbed wire on top of it and everywhere had guards posted at the doors. The lad asked me, "What is this place?"  I replied, "Somewhere no one ever leaves". He started to cry. 

Once inside I found that it was a massive factory and production lines were in full swing, I couldn't make out what was being made, but warehouses were piled with boxes. An elderly woman approached me and told me to get to work. 
I then set about writing prices in felt pen onto DVDs. 


Wednesday, 13 May 2015


I was laying in bed aware of my surroundings but partially asleep. I could voices and one in particular was close to my head, a man's voice and he was calling out, "Kallum", over and over. I was then able to see myself in the bed from above, I was actually my friend Kallum, which would explain things. 

I then as Kalłum tried to move, I couldn't I was paralysed, totally, only my eyes could move. I then watched myself as Kalłum not moving at all for hours. Maybe it didn't last all night but that's all that happened for the rest of my dream. 


Tuesday, 12 May 2015

Dangerous white mice

I was in a hospital along with work colleague, Danger. We were in a side ward and we're waiting to be deployed to a job. I stood up and told Danger I was going to work on my own. 

Danger told me he wanted to work with me and offered me a bag of white chocolate mice, he said I could have them all. Unfortunately for Danger I don't like white chocolate and so I left him. 

As I walked out into the A&E department, it was full of people waiting. I went past a nurse who showed me a screen that had scanned me as I left. It showed I had a broken arm. 


Monday, 11 May 2015

American Cops

I was in the small Cambridgeshire town of Yaxley, I was walking along the street with my wife. It was just starting to get dark. 

As we stepped out onto a road to cross it a massive American car stopped in front of us. The car was packed with teenage lads, more than there were seats for and they were sat on top of each other. The driver lent out of the window and looked completly wasted. He just giggled at us. 

I pulled him out through the window, angry that he could have run us over, the rest of the lads got out and surrounded us. It looked like it was going to go very wrong, I looked over the street and saw two American cops and I waved at them for help. 

The two cops instead of coming over to help, just waved back and laughed. We decided that the best option would be to run off, which we did. 

Next we appeared to be in a massive mansion and it was our house, clearly we had made it big and was living the high life. We stood in the kitchen and our friend Lee-ann walked in, she asked if she could go to sleep in our bed. 

I thought that she maybe needed a break as she was a recently new mother. I asked her if this was the case and she replied, "No, just that your house is awesome and I want to stay here". Fair enough! 

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