Tuesday, 22 July 2014

Who's Eric Morcambe?

I used to live in the Lincolnshire seaside town of Skegness and often dream of being there. Last night I had returned to collect some belongings from my family. I was with two other people but I didn't know them. 

I walked them through the streets until we reached a house that I said was my family home. It wasn't and I'd randomly picked a house I liked the look of. I opened a door by pretending I had the keys but went through the motion of turning them in the lock. There was a second door which I did the same again, both times the doors opened. 

We entered into a living room to find a family sat around a table, all of them looked shocked at three strangers walking into their house. I said, "This is my family, hi everyone, I've come for my things". They all looked even more confused. The mother of the family then suddenly started to go along with it and hugged me and said, " Your things are still in your room". 

I was next at work and had gone to help out in the department run by supervisor Pat. I knew that someone needed help and that I was the only one available trained to use the equipment needed. 
Pat asked who had told me to come down and help and I informed him that I volunteered. 

Pat was very stroppy about this and told me to leave and get the correct authority to do the procedure. Angry at this I told him, " Stop being a dick, you know what, stuff you, find someone else to do it!"

Lastly I was at a big house that had an indoor swimming pool, I walked in hoping to have a private swim but was confronted with hundreds of school children having lessons. I headed over to one of the instructors who was wearing black rimmed glasses. I told him he looked like Eric Morecambe. 

The guy laughed but then said that everyone was too young to remember who Eric Morecambe was. I shouted out, "Who knows Eric Morecambe?"  Everyone put their hands up. 


Monday, 21 July 2014

Hammer time

Last night I was running with a very full washing up bowl of oil. I was in my Nan's old house where I was born. 

In my mind I needed to pour the bowl down a sink and then turn the hot tap on to break up the oil. I ran into the back room where I was actually born in. 

The only thing in the room was an old style wooden unit that had a lift up lid. When I pulled up the lid, it revealed a sink but I couldn't see a tap. 

I pulled at a handle and it turned into a record player, an old vinyl 78rmp dropped down and began to play. 
I dropped the bowl of oil on the floor and started to do my best MC Hammer dance to Hammer time. Even though the music was classical. 

Just before I woke up I was in the garden with my dog. He was chasing something around the garden and had it cornered. 
When I looked it was a baby pig the size of a field mouse. 


Sunday, 20 July 2014

CCTV, pants & scams

My night began in a street, no idea where but I was there with my wife our good friend Fi. Fi asked me to put up a CCTV camera on the wall of a building, I climbed a very rickety old ladder which she held whilst I fixed the camera. 

I next heard a phone ringing as I lay asleep, It was coming from my wife's side of the bed. I know it was a dream because we don't have a phone in the bedroom. I reached over and answered it. A voice said, "This is the adult learning centre you have an appointment on Wednesday". I then heard a group of people in the street outside my house, they were all talking in German. 

Next I was with Stu from work who was showing me a pair of men's underpants that he had received in the post. He held them up, they were black and very large. He was shouting, "Why have I been sent these?"

I was next in some kind of narrow passageway, it was difficult to get past if another person walked by. As I walked along I saw Naomi from work, she appeared to be dressed in a workman's overall. 
As I tried to manovoure around her, she grabbed me around the neck and pushed me up against the wall. 

Right in my face she aggressively said, "You got me involved in that insurance scam and you better sort it out". I had no idea what she was talking about but she clearly meant business. 

Lastly I was at work, it was night time and I was alone out in one of the works cars. I decided to drive as fast as I could in and out of parked cars. Driving as close as I could, I floored it without hitting anything. 

Proud of my driving skills I pulled up the handbrake and the car skidded around 180 degrees and the back end smashed into a wall. I sat contemplating for a minutes before deciding I just not tell anyone and someone else would get the blame. 


Saturday, 19 July 2014

Coffin dodger

I started off by entering a garden shed that turned out to be a church on the inside. I approached the altar I could see an open coffin that was an odd shape but defiantly a coffin because I could see the dead body of one of my neighbours in it.  (I won't name them for fear of freaking them out). 

As I sadly walked towards the coffin my wife suddenly ran past me, nudging me as she rushed towards the altar. As she reached the coffin, she didn't slow down and gave it a hard shove, shooting across the room. 

Lastly I was waiting to board a coach but was waiting for my wife to arrive. I watched as the three coaches that were parked, slowly filled with passengers. As the last coach closed its doors and drove away, my wife finally arrived. 

I explained that we were too late and would have to get the train instead. We did this and it was so packed that it was nose to nose with no room to move. It was hot and very uncomfortable. 
I could hear a voice that I recognised but was unable to tuen my head to confirm who it was. 

I finally managed to strain my head a little and saw Spooner from work sat in a chair with nobody even remotely close to him!


Friday, 18 July 2014

Riding the storm

Last night there was a massive thunder storm. Whereby most people were disturbed by it, I on the other hand, slept through it. My sleep was an epic coma, not sure I even moved. 

I have an empty head too, no memory of any dreaming, which can only mean one thing. I didn't dream. 
Very rare but I was most welcome of a full nights sleep for once.   


Thursday, 17 July 2014

Ticket man

Not for the first time I was at the London Underground station of Becontree, on the District line. 
I was with my dad and we got off of a train and headed for the exit. In my mind I knew we didn't have tickets, I was worried but dad just boldly walked past the ticket collector and didn't look at him. 

As I nervously followed my dad, I made the mistake of making eye contact with the ticket collector and he started to follow us, as if my glance somehow told him I hadn't paid my fair. 
We jumped into a car and attempted to drive off. 

As we sat in he front of the car, the ticket man jumped in the back and stared at us. Dad calmly indicated for us to get out, which we did. Dad then flicked a match and without looking behind him, tossed it back into the car. It exploded into flames with the ticket man inside. 

I was next the owner of a petrol garage and I was thinking that I wasn't making any money. My employee arrived for work holding a bottle of whiskey that he intended to drink during his shift. 
I said to him, "John, it's not working out, I'm closing the garage". I handed him a £50 note and he left. 

I was next in a toilet cubicle urniating when my wedding ring started to become very loose as my finger shrank. Not wishing to loose it down the pan I took it off and placed it on the systern. As I stood there I could smell tobacco smoke wafting in from the next cubicle. 
I came out of the cubicle and then out of the toilet when I realised I'd left my wedding ring. I ran back in to see a black woman who was about seven feet tall, she was inspecting my ring. I looked at her and she just handed it back to me. 


Wednesday, 16 July 2014

Timmy and the Bay City Rollers

I was standing under a large tree in the rain waiting for a bus. I was on a housing estate and I was holding a hot water bottle. 

Across the road was my good friend Timmy who was standing at a bus stop also. He was looking very smart in a grey suit. 

As a bus arrived Timmy shouted over to me, "Not this one bud, you want the number 99, oh your bottle is leaking by the way". I looked at the hot water bottle and saw that water was shooting out of the top. 

I was next walking along a covered street full of shops and bars. I entered a bar and saw someone I reconised sat at a table. It was lead singer with 70's pop group the Bay City Rollers, Les McKeown. 

Les stood up as if he knew me and shook my hand. We sat and chatted for ages. 

Lastly I was in a back garden to a house and there was a large wood cutting bench saw. My work supervisor Stu was struggling to carry huge panels and place them on the saw to cut. He never spoke. 


Tuesday, 15 July 2014

Swimming, tomatoes & odd bod

I began a full night of dreaming by attempting to swim the length of my mums lawn. It's not very big but really difficult to front crawl with no water. I gave up. 

I was next in a police custody block which was totally rammed with people, police officers and prisoners filled every inch of the place. Hanging from every wall and from the ceiling were tomato plants, ladened with ripe red tomatoes. I kept handing a folded T shirt to a policeman but he just threw it back at me every time. 

Next I was in a van with work colleague Robbo. He was hungry and so we stopped at a pub to eat. Inside it was set out like a cinema and playing on the screen was the film, 'Carry on Screaming'. We sat down at the back and were chained to a metal rod. 

The characters then walked out of the screen into the room and we managed to slip off our chains and started to leave the room. If you've seen the movie then you'd know the character, Odd Bod. He started to chase us and we knocked over tables ans chairs in our haste to escape. 

Lastly I was in a lavish stately home which had an amazing spread of food set out on a long table. The lady of the house invited me to help myself, she said, "Tuck in Max, you missed out at the pub". As I wondered how she knew this I heard a lorry reversing. 

I looked around to see my wife taking a driving lesson in a 40 foot artic truck. She was inside the room I was in and she skilfully manovoured the truck around the furniture and lunch guests.



Monday, 14 July 2014

Dog walking

Had a bit of an epic 10 hour coma sleep and only have a brief memory of my dream. 
It basically involved me standing in front of two dogs. They were small, Terrier sized, one was black and the other was brown and white. 

The black one turned his head towards the other and said, "Let's see if we can get the human to follow us". The other dog winked at him. They started to walk off and I followed them. 



Sunday, 13 July 2014


Apart from having the 1967 Gene Pitney song, 'Something's gotten hold of my heart', constantly playing in my head, I kept putting my reading glasses on. 

I would then remove them again, feel a slight pinch on the side of my head, and then try them on again. 

This went on for some time and I was being watched by a group of onlookers, none of which I knew. 

I eventually removed a screw from one arm of the glasses, leaving only one arm on them and put them back on. Happy that they were now longer tight, I walked about proud that I'd fixed the problem. 

I did however look stupid and everyone was pointing and laughing at me. In anger I took them off and threw them onto the floor and stamped on them. 


Saturday, 12 July 2014

Banana duel

A very straight forward dream last night. I was sword fighting using a banana. 
In true swash buckling style, I had my left arm flamboyantly raised up as I thursted my deadly banana into an imaginary foe. 

This is normal, right?


Friday, 11 July 2014

Sausage and bacon

I was at work and it was very early in the morning, the room was subdued and nothing was going on. In the corner of the room were two workmen who appeared to be fixing the lighting. 

I heard Rich shout that grub was up and he entered with a brown bag containing cooked sausage and bacon rolls. The two workmen became very interested and started to move closer in the hope of being offered some food. 

Nina suddenly appeared from nowhere and took a couple of rolls and sat with me to eat. Rich had a pile of china plates stacked in size order, with the smallest on top. Into these he poured earl gray tea. 
I noticed that the rolls had no butter in them and so left the room to go to the kitchen. 

Upon my return with the butter, the room was completely empty and there was no sign of any food. Gutted. 

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