Thursday, 5 March 2015

Fairy James & the giant reefer

I was walking towards my old secondary school in Essex, the actual building has long since been demolished and replaced by housing. With me was work colleague James who can be described as a man mountain and to see him dressed in a pink fairies outfit, was very amusing. 

James on the other hand seemed oblivious to the attention he was creating and was very comfortable in his clothing. As we approached the school, a white minibus pulled up full of Irish men who immediately started laughing at James. 

One of the men got out and was holding a huge golden trumpet with a big open cone end. He then planted a giant reefer into the cone end and put the small end in his mouth. He lit it and handed it to me. As I smoked the joint I could see the minibus filling with smoke and as laughter echoed from inside, it crashed into the back of a sports car. 

Two blonde females got out of the car and James went over in at attempt to chat them up. This didn't go too well given his attire and he walked off upset and confused as to why his chat up lines weren't working. 


Wednesday, 4 March 2015

Toilet time

In my messed up mind last night, it decided that the best way to inform me that I required the toilet, was to put it into my dream. 
I was in a house, walked into the bathroom and found the cistern had been removed and the ball cock was on the floor. 

Having prepared my body to wee as I entered the room, there then became a panic to assemble the cistern back together again before I wet myself. 
On the floor were several different ball cocks and other bits of twisted mental. 

In my frantic efforts to put the toilet back together I could feel myself really needing to pee, that was fortunately the moment I woke up and made a dash to the bathroom. Phew. 


Tuesday, 3 March 2015

Killer cat & stepdad

I firstly got a very rude and painful awaking last light when my wife accedently elbowed me in the eye. Aside from that I was drifting off again when I saw some very cute but tiny puppies running around and my Jack Russell playing with them. 

He gently picked one up in his mouth and started to carry it off. Suddenly my dog turned into my ginger cat who still with the puppy in his mouth, bit down on it making a hideous crunching sound. I screamed out in an attempt to stop him but bolted out of my dream with my wife wondering what was going on. 

Lastly I was at my mums house and she appeared to have re married, much to my disgust, it was to works supervisor, Rory. Rory was sat in the living room talking crap and acting as if he was king of the castle. I told him that I was going to knock him out. 

He then became very cocky, saying that if I thought I was hard enough to bring it on. I could feel my anger quickly rising up within me and I knew it wasn't going to end well for Rory. I started to walk towards him, fully intent on smashing his face in. Sadly the dream changed direction and I was with in a room with a former neighbour of mine. 

My old neighbour, Sue, was saying that she had been away in a mental institution but it was a mistake and she wasn't mad. I was just gutted that Rory had vanished. 


Sunday, 1 March 2015

There's Wally

My wife and myself had been to watch a children's film at the cinema and were in the city centre looking for a way to get home. The city looked vaguely familiar, but also somewhat foreign to us. 

I informed my wife that our friend Matt was sending someone to guide us home. My wife's reaction to this was, "I really hope it's not one of Matts movie geek friends, you know how weird they are!"  

As we walked along the street we turned the corner, and a man dressed in a where's Wally costume waved at us and said, "Hi Matt sent me to get you home". My wife just turned to me and started laughing.  


Saturday, 28 February 2015

Doberman dash

Initially I was woken with an absolute shock as I briefly saw a Doberman dog running at me full speed. Before I had anytime to reacte, the dog leaped up and slammed me hard in the chest. 

I immediately woke up and shouted out, "Shit!"  My wife half opened her eyes to enquire as to my welfare but it was short lived and she fell back to sleep. 

I was next in a house and knew I was the only person there. Faintly from the upstairs of the property I could hear a small child crying. I thought this odd knowing that I was alone and didn't go to check it out. 

Lastly I was with Dave from work and it was Christmas Day. I told Dave my dad was missing and had possibly gone to the pub. We needed to find him as my mum wanted him to spend the day with us. 

Dave and myself set off to the pub and met my dad coming in the opersite direction. I asked dad if he had been down the pub and he pointed down to his feet. 

Dad was wearing running trainers and said, "I wouldn't go to the pub wearing these!" 
Dave said, "Sorry Dad". We all then walked back to my mums house for Christmas dinner.  


Friday, 27 February 2015

Brick chess

I was in someone's living room, it had a large stone built fireplace. In the bottom corner of the fireplace, most of the stone had been removed. 

Sat at a small table was a very drunk husband and wife. Drunk to the stage where they were in annoying repeat mode. 

The table before them was piled high with the missing stones from the fireplace and the husband was constantly saying to his wife, "It is your turn, take another stone out!"  

The wife was so drunk, she collapsed onto the floor, this didn't deter her husband from repeating himself. Under the pile of stone was a chess board. It would appear they were using the stone as peices.  

Lastly I drove my old car into a petrol garage that was on a massive hill. I arrived at the top of the hill and got out of my car. I decided I wanted to use the pump at the bottom of the hill. 

I ran a small wooden toy boat along the floor until I reached the bottom pump. I took the noosle out and the pump started to kick into life. I looked back up and saw my car sat at the top. 

I dropped the noosle on the floor and ran as fast as I could towards my car. Before I could reach the top, I woke up. 


Thursday, 26 February 2015

Fire starter

Along with my wife we were shopping and had a supermarket trolley full of groceries. We headed towards the checkout which was one woman on a single till. The shop appeared to be in a large barn and had huge oak beams. 

The woman was surprised at the amount of food we had, I explained that we were going on holiday for a week and needed provisions. She still looked at our food and was thinking we had too much. I added, "We have some friends coming". 

I next entered an apartment that belonged to me. I was horrified to find that my ex wife, her daughter, and her daughters daughter were all squatting in there. The place was an absolute mess, rubbish everywhere and it was filthy and smelt. 

I started shouting for them to get out and began throwing things around the place. I then saw Stu from work appear in the room, we winked at me and started walking around the appartment. As he wandered around, he casually started setting fire to curtains and clothing. 

As he continued to set things alight, the fire started to intensify and the whole place was ablaze. Stu beconded me to leave and said, " I think that should get them out". 


Wednesday, 25 February 2015

Cheese board

Went to bed feeling rather unwell, huge headache and upset stomach. I really didn't expect to dream at all. Especially when my wife hit me over the head with a box of tissues, really not sure what was going on there. 

The only thing I can recall other than being very hot in the night, was looking at a cheese board. It was the traditional wooden block with a selection of various cheeses from around the world. I did nothing with the cheese, just stared at it. Odd. 


Tuesday, 24 February 2015

Face to face

I woke today slightly unwell and had no recall of any dreaming, however I popped a cheeky hour in before work and saw the following. 

It was a large red racing car, looked like one from the 1960's, maybe earlier. It was long, bullet shaped with a white circle on the front that had the number 20 in it. That all I saw of the car, it was as if it was right in front of me and I was laying on the floor ahead of it. 

Then as the image of the car vanished it was replaced with that of a man in mirrored sunglasses, he was slightly unshaven and I could only see one side of his face. 

This image was replaced with that of the head of our puppy, Nora Batty. She had her head right next to me and her whole face was the tartan pattern of our bed clothes. I'm guessing I was looking at the quilt. 



Monday, 23 February 2015

Tables & chairs

My dad was driving an old style red London bus through the streets of Essex. He seemed very happy but didn't stop to pick up any passengers and continued to drive an empty bus. 

I was next in my dining room and started to carry out all the chairs from the table outside. One by one I moved them into the street where there were two small round wooden tables. They were the same tables that were in my local pub were I used to live 20 years ago. 

I placed my dining room chairs all around the tables and they looked ridiculous. I stood looking at them for a while until a passer by said, " What the hell are you doing?"
Good question to be fair. 


Sunday, 22 February 2015

Dead naked

Bit of a theme going on at the moment, with dead bodies appearing regularly. Last night I didn't know the naked dead female that I found laying in the street. I couldn't see any apparent injuries or cause of death, but I knew she was no longer alive. 

I did nothing other than stare at her body for ages. There was no one else around, nothing moving about and I continued to look on in silence. I seemed to do this for hours. 

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